Journey to Heaven..

Changes

2010-11-01T08:22:00.002+08:00

yes..
Life changes.

Changes that we decide that it should be..
or simply just changes that happen,
with ot without our own realization.

I observe life.. though there's nothing much that i can do..
to control, to handle or even to make it happen the way that I want.

I observe life.. so that I know what is happening,
for at least.. I can try to change the improper.. to the better ones.

and the more I observe,
I tell myself to not be dissapointed or too excited.

for again.. life changes. I take and live with whatever I'm given today. Alhamdulillah.
All Praises to Allah, the Most Rich.. the Most Kind.
I fear nothing.. with His name engraved by my heart.

For that, I will continue to watch life..
change what needs to be changed..
because at the end of the day.. regardless what happened..
We will tell ourselves..
"I want a better tomorrow".

Coretan bulan Ramadhan

2010-09-05T17:04:00.004+08:00

salam sejahtera. da lama kiranya tidak ber'blog'. kehidupan cerita masih juga sama.. ada masa susah..ada masa senang.. ada masa suka ada masa duka. begitu sahajalah setiap hari yang berlalu.

Coretan bulan Ramadhan.

"dah ramadhan..".. rasanya seakan-akan semalam baru diungkapkan ayat ini di mulut ramai..
"da nak raya..? aduuhh" dan kini ayat ini di bibirku. 26 hari di bulan Ramadhan telah berlalu.. ke mana lalunya? ke mana perginya..? Astagfirullah.

anak-anak kecil yang masih berlatih untuk berpuasa.. kiranya 26 hari ini betul2 azab untuk mereka. dan azab untuk cikgunya.. hah.. bukan kehausannya ketika mengajar.. atau kelelahannya ketika harus menerangkan berkali-kali pelajarannya.. tetapi azabnya.. adalah bila anak-anak kecil ni datang.. dan merayu.. mengadu..

"cikguuu.. saya sakit perut..." "cikgu.. saya lapar.." "cikgu.. saya da muntah.." "cikguu.. saya tk sahur..: "cikgggggggggggggu..." cikgu sana cikgu sini. Ini lah ujian kesabaran untuk cikgu selain menahan dahaga yang teramat sangat.

apa pun jua.. Ramadhan kali ini.. sememangnya diluar jangkaan diri saya sendiri. waktu mula menjalankan tugas sebagai cikgu.. ada sekali dua terlintas.." mcm mana nak puasa dengan kerja yang mcm gini.." Alhamdulillah.. doa punya doa.. dah lalui Ramadhan hampir selelsai Insya'Allah.

dan mungkin dengan berkat doa ini juga, suara yang dianggap sebagai 'halus' ni telah menembusi tembok-tembok dan pintu-pintu di kelas lain. entah dari mana kuasa suara ni datang hingga menjadi semakin kuat pula di bulan puasa.

"suara kau da sampai ofis.." padahal waktu itu saya berada di tingkat 3.
"suara kau.. sampai sini boleh dengar.." padahal jarak antara dua kelas itu jauh dan kedua-dua pintu kelas itu ditutup ya. Allahu 'Alam. Allahu Akbar.

untuk raya.. hmm.. maknanya untuk saya hanya.. $$$$$$$ =.= bukan dimasukkan lagi.. tahun ini harus dikeluarkan pula.

nak LP bole?.. Lebaran Perantau. :) kalau ada LP.. mmg da semangat mamat nak beraya.

begitulah ia.. sepanjang Ramadhan yang tak lama akan pergi. dan seterusnya pula.. Insya'Allah selamat juga diharungi dan ditempuhi hingga berjumpa tahun baru.

Allah 'Alam. :) Fi Amanillah.......

Untuk Mereka..

2010-05-30T10:55:00.003+08:00

Melihat kawan-kawanku teruskan berjuang.. ingin aku bersama mereka. Terangsang semangat aku untuk bersama-sama mereka. Melihat semangat dan kesediaan mereka untuk melakukan setiap segala yang mereka harus lakukan.. aku juga ingin semangat yang sama.
Mereka itu.. mungkin ada yang masih belajar dan sedang menghadapi peperiksaan.. ada yang berkerja dari mula matahari terbit hingga malam gelita… ada yang berkerja dua hingga tiga tempat.. ada yang bekejar ke sana ke mari untuk menyebarkan ilmu.. tidak kira hari.. tidak kira waktu. Apa pun yang kamu lakukan sekarang kawan-kawan ku.. semangat kamu ingin aku contohi.
Tidak mampu untuk aku bertanyakan apakah inspirasi atau pembakar semangat mereka. Kalau aku bertanyakan.. tidak mungkin aku dapat merasai inspirasi yang sama. Hebat..? memang mereka hebat..
“Iman.. Iman.. Allah.. Rasulullah.. Demi Allah.. Demi Ummah.. Demi Islam.. Iman.. Ikhlas..”

Mungkin ini antara pembakar semangat mereka yang berapi.. dan mungkin juga mereka ada keluhan dan komplain.. tetapi itu semua manusia. Aku ingin ikut.. apa yang mereka ada yang kurang dalam diri aku.
Ikut yang Baik..:) Sangka yang Baik.. :) Berbuat baik.. =)

Ya.. itu dia kesan dari kawan-kawan yang BAIK..=)
Aku akan mengingatkan diriku tentang mereka ketika aku PENAT DAN MALAS. Ouh…. Memang itu berlaku selalu.. tersenyum sendiri aku ingatkan mereka yang berjuang untuk ilmu di Syria.. tersengeh aku ingatkan mereka yang berbanting tulang untuk beramal dan berilmu di Tanah air kita. Senyuman itu tanda semangatku sudah tersedar dari kemalasan dan kepenatan.

Jadi kawan-kawan.. teruskan perjuangan kamu semua. Mungkin ada yang jarang sekali aku bertanya khabar atau berjumpa sekalian.. atau mungkin ada yang sudah terlupa dengan diri ku.. tidak mengapa.. bukan masalah untuk aku. Selagi kamu dalam ingatan, lubuk hati dan doaku.. kamu masih kawan-kawanku.
Di Syria.. ketika rindu Keluarga.. lantas tertulis luahan hati untuk keluarga. Di sini.. ketika rindu kawan-kawan di dan dari Syria.. maka tertulislah luahan rindu dan sayang untuk mereka. =)

-Sahabatmu dari Syria- =)

jealousy :(

2010-03-08T20:26:00.002+08:00

say..: laa ilaha illallah.. laa ilaha ilallah.

mmg mmg mmg semmgnya tak bagus . HAH!! tau takpe...!

mood swings episode 563: yes. everytime.. this drama called mood swing will start at the most imperfect time. I DO NOT LIKE IT.. okay? what's the theme for this episode? It's jealousy. yes.. whatever sey... if i can just shout and let it be seated quietly.. then all of these wont happen.

i dont know if this has been written all over on my face.. but i really hope those who can read it, will let ME just be. just take it that I AM CRAZY.

dont ask what i'm jealous about.. it's sickening.. urgh!!

KUCH NEHI SUNAA!~ hah! ambek kau.. HINDUSTAN aku kasi. tak tau diam lagi..?

a piece of this busy mind..

2010-02-18T08:34:00.002+08:00

hahah there was this dialog struck my head last night before i sleep. hahah the scenerio..? i dont know how to put it.. haha but i just want the dialog off my head. hahha my mind can be like a web sometiemes.. keep holding on and easily get stuck with so many unnecessary stuffs.

" Your face.. well you look at it everyday in the mirror, you wash it.. touch it. and maybe for each time that you look it doesnt have any changes.. tha you might think you look the same everyday.. but perhaps.. everyday there are changes in our face.. that are not meant for us to see.. but for those who see us everyday. the changes that only these people see .. and because of these changes that they see.. they want to keep looking at it.. and possibly too, loving it.

the facial look. perhaps everyday.. there are changes. changes that we dont see but are seen by the others. hahha otherwise.. why are there people who can look at our face for year and years...and never get sick of it. even beauty can stale too in time. changes can be even a little frown.. a little new mole.. a slight dimple.. whatever big or small.. these natural expressions and changes.. are just not for us to see.

what are these rubbish..? ha haha i dont know.. but it came and got stuck on my head. how far it is true.. i dont know..it's just what I think.

:D bye. have a good day. and pls remember to smile. It makes somebody's day and life, possibly. you dont have to believe or understand this, just knowing enough.

up and dowm

2010-01-30T15:37:00.002+08:00

everyday now.. since 2010.. yeah overall i can say.. it's fun.
new discoveries each time i teach and not to mention the 'interesting' part of everyone. Im still getting used to the tiredness and the randomness of every single thing.. but insya'Allah i will cope.

motivation..??? I dont know..but it comes when it comes.. when it doesnt.. I still have to pretend like there's one. hahhaha.. yea.

weight..?? definitely GAINED! urgh.. hunger strikes anytime.. anywhere. and an instant biscuit or chocolate milk will do quite alright. but after 3.. when all the teachers are allowed to go home, hahaha the story of me and fathanah will still continue. hahahha go MAKAN!

students..?? yes.. they are ok. sometimes you are just so proud of them.. sometimes.. you'd feel like banging each of their head on the wall.. hahhaha but again.. overall.. they are a cute lovable bunch.

so far.. a month now. Alhamdulillah.. it's good. learned aaaaaaaaaloooot! yes.. alot. from the teachers and the students. too much actually. so that's school.. you just learn.. no matter you're a student or teacher. =D

january...?? great experience. hahha and i am 22. lepas ni korang punye turn fathanah dgn fizar!!!! wakakaka.. welcome to the club. :D

gosh.. i really have lived long.. alhamdulillah.

my life my life my LIFE.

2010-01-03T20:59:00.003+08:00

Hello Life.. how are you?.. Hopefully you're doing fine.. I am great here Insya'Allah.
What more can I expect from my great Life that Allah has granted me. Alhamdulillah. Again.. another Rizq come from Him.. and I shall accept it. Hopefully I can handle it well and smoothly.

Dear Life..
I know I am a big complain sometimes, I can feel that you're useless sometimes.. nevertheless I am very much grateful to what and how Allah has made you for me. Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

So now.. after experiencing so many surprises in my life... Yes One after another.. I now leave whatever that is beyong my mind or body can read to the One who is in control of it. That's long.. ok.. nvm. =D

DOA DOA DOA.. I need it. I dont know what to expect. May all be Good. but even if it's not.. I will try to face it calmly.. Insya'Allah.

I wont know when I send in another post. But this shall be it.. till next time. =D

Enjoy the new year.
Allah ma' na..InSya'Allah.

light on.. light out.

2009-11-13T19:36:00.003+08:00

if I was turned into any kind of dish, I will be the taste of : Sweet and Sour

if I was a rainbow myself.. my seven colours would be: pastel pink, bright pink, green, blue, black, maroon and dark purple.

if i was a fruit: Raspberry

if I was part of the sky.. I'd like to be the clouds.

if I was part of the sea.. I'd like to be the depth.

if I was part of a song.. I'd like to be the words.

what does this all mean?

hahah nothing I guess. just that thought came when I was waiting for my mother just now. I want to ride a hotair balloon now.

hahah WEIRD!

bye. enjoy the rest of the day. =)

fi Amanillah

knowledge can be lost..

2009-11-12T17:45:00.004+08:00

when I read again my older posts, i have spot another difference in me. I was more knowlegeble than I am now. I dont know.. but that I think of myself now. I share so many things back then, but now.. I wonder. what do i have in my brain to share will anyone.

maybe Im thinking more about growing up and life.. that I miss the important part. I have always love to read.. and nowadays.. whatever that I read.. I will just keep it to myself. How i wish I could share them again. I bought a book on 'kisah teladan'- or stories that has its lesson to be learnt. It's 1001 stories.. hahha up till now.. I have only read a few pages.. which I dont know if i sill do remember them or not.

I hate to lose what I used to know.. and I hate to know that I have forgotten what I used to know. I am a bad person.. so bad. what kind of a teacher I am.. I dont know. Sometimes I pity my students having to listen to my boring lessons.

again and again I am trying to improve myself.. in terms of speech.. language.. knowledge especially.. but there will be times when I get nervous and EVERYTHING will be messed up. I am no longer a teacher for JUST primary students.. I am teaching SECONDARY studnts.. both the madrasah and from goverment school.. and I am teaching as POLY AND UNIVERSITY students.

dont that add up to the pressure..? YES it does..

but I am trying not to get them be the wall to what I want to teach and share. I am open to whatever questions that they wish to ask about. I will listen and answer the best I can. In fact, I am trying to make them MY MOTIVATION and DRIVE towards teaching them enthusiastically.. with love and patience.

do I love them? Yes I do.. even though before every class I will get whole bunch of butterflies in my stomach that makes me go to the toilet. YEs.. that kind of a nervous.

Oh Allah.. please guide me. let me teach them with the best knowledge possible in the best way possible for them to understand. It is only from You I can trust for guidance and more knowledge and courage. AMIN!

Words

2009-11-08T18:21:00.004+08:00

i notice the difference now..

I used to talk alot. both with my mouth and my 'finger'. i've looked through my past years entries.. and well.. I do express alot back then. Now.. it seems that my life is somewhat boring, i think and observe quietly. or perhaps it's just that as we get older we just bottle it inside. What the world knows or thinks.. doesnt really matter.

Life. Im moving with it .. and Insya'Allah Im doing great. every now and then there will be this source of inspiration.. the source or my smile.. to bring smile to the other. I dont want to forget to smile..but at times.. yes I do.

why?. Being this person who doesnt express much feels so heavier. It seems that I have forgooten the words of my heart.. or have I really?

share.share. share. Yes.. I want to share my own thoughts.. opinion.. ideas. they are trapped.. in a form that I cant exlain or just lay it into words. So i Just keep my silence. whatever words that comes out.. are just what I can lay out.

yes wait.
let's wait for another day.
how can we drop whatever hope we've been holding on.
Yes.. I tell you.
we wait.
maybe tomorrow we'll be in another land..
maybe seperated.
but please remember this
even when you're alone
He will come.
we just wait.
I hold your hand as long as I can..
but even when I am not..
dont give up.
remember me. remember us. remember Him.

PAWAA! (power)

2009-11-06T11:18:00.004+08:00

even if just one person believes..

there's a possibily it can happen.

Truth or not.. it's another question.

The belief comes first.

forever and ever.. I want to believe in you. no matter what happens. I promise that.

when we say something.. it means that it is something we want it to be heard of.

normal people.. wont say something that they dont mean to.

that's it.

2009-10-21T19:01:00.003+08:00

memang perit.. memang pedih.

pilu sangat bila terdengar rintihan hati teman..

bertambah pilu lagi bila menyedari tidak ada apa yang mampu dilakukan.

saat yang terlalu seronok dan berharga.. entah bila lagi tak akan diungkapkan lidah.

"Ye.. ni sekarang kene focus!! jangan pandang belakang.."

tapi di saat letih, bosan dan binggung akan pastinya membawa kembali pada saat indah.

"aduhai.. kalau disana.. tak macam gini aku.. kenapa kat sini jadinya begini.."

Nikmat Tuhan.

Aku bersyukur.. takkan pernah aku ingin kufur. Nau'zubillah. sangat bersyukur dengan apa disekeliling.

Tapi.. mengapa perasaan berbeza disini?

mengapa hati lagi terpautkan pada yang telah lalu.

walau aku sedar..

sekarang andainya aku dapat berada di sana.. takkan jadinya seindah yang lepas..

aku tetap ingatkan.. disana.

kalau itu tempat di dunia.. yang teramat indah bagiku.. dan teman-teman lain..

apatah lagi Jannah..?

Tuhan sentiasa melihat. Tuhan sentiasa mengetahui.

aku..

tiada apa disisiku.. kecuali doa yang terbaik untuk ku dan semua.

iman

2009-10-19T09:52:00.002+08:00

kalau dah ada yang nak berusaha.. walaupun setakat memberi pandangan mata..
itu adalah satu ni'mat.. walau sedikit.

walau usaha itu kecil.. hanya setapak kaki bayi..
janganlah dicaci..
kerana usaha itu boleh membesar.. and terus berkembang
dengan bantuan dan sokongan.

blink.

2009-10-15T12:31:00.002+08:00

sometimes when walking..
always looking forward
makes it so bored
that looking back is more interesting.

what road you have taken
what courage you have embraced
what luck you have met.

sometimes when living..
always facing what is to come
looking back what you have faced..
gives you the courage to look in front again.

there are abit of sometimes
that makes this world so beautiful.

just abit.
for too much will only destruct.

smile

2009-10-12T19:57:00.002+08:00

the miracle of smile..
maybe some has discovered..
because they have seen its power.

He has created or granted us this magical power of smile. To enable us hide whatever problems that we are face, or whatever misery there is in our life.

This magical power to those who practice it.. have a different philosophy to it. we dont perhaps..

but in any case.. it is always smile that lighten what burden we carry.

it is smile thaat cheer what glooms our day

it is still smile that plaster what hurt we suffer inside.

and it is smile that we can afford to give.. even when we are at our poorest state.

be a merchant of smile. dont sell though..but give them away. because they will return it with smiles and happiness as well.

and even when they don't.. you are still the richest person. Believe that. because I have been there and still doing it..

=D

nature

2009-10-10T20:42:00.002+08:00

the beauty of the sky
isnt just in its height..
but the calmness of the blue colour shines..
right through that hectic mind.

the calmness of the sea
isnt just in its free breeze..
but it's the depth of life..
that is living in it.

so calm. so peace.

I am here in the land.
though warm.. though hard..
I seek beauty and serenity in these wonders.

I am thankful..
though i am not those beauty that i adore..
I am still here..
thankful for what i see.. forever more.

me and time.

2009-10-06T20:39:00.002+08:00

I realize that in the morning.. i'll wake up to go to work.

and at night.. I'll be so tired that i don't care whatever it is.. I have to rest.

and what's in the middle?

too many things. Things that I do because I HAVE TO, or PAID TO, or out of courtesy or frienship.

I do these and always keep on doing it. Though tiring.. I dont wish to stop. I want to enjoy. I take all in keeping them either as experience or memories.

Age is really geetting to me I guess. Im seeing everthing in it sentimental side.

"dijanjikan keindahan bukanlah jawapan utama.." ponder this. We'll see the beauty of doing everything.. especially in the His way. =D

Mr.Sun

2009-09-14T20:01:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr.Sun,

I know you are working hard and you are moving faster than you used to be.Your heat too is getting hotter than I could remember I could endure. Being under the direct command of The Lord, you know what you're doing now.. and perhaps you already know the consequence of what you're doing now. Perhaps you're sad and dissapointed watching human from both sides of the world who are still not reading the warning that you're tyring to give out.

It's hot. It's tiring. Already It feels like hell.. or rather.. already It feels torturous here. I can't imagine now how hell is. This is already bad.

Dear Mr.Sun.. I know you are getting older. I have heard science said that you might need to consume some of the close planet in order to continue your job. I am not sure of the truth of that.. but should that day comes, let all those who are faithful to Your Lord be safely away from this painful place, perhaps then The Hour will happen. I dont know.. what do I know anyway.

Right now The moon is replacing your heat; All praise to Allah.

Tomorrow Insya'Allah I will see you again.. may all of us be well then :)

With Love
Zahidah.

at this crazy school

2009-08-20T17:48:00.001+08:00

“Teacher.. I have something to tell you..” a boy said.
“Yea..?”
“I have something to tell you too..” another girl said.
“ok.. you first.. “ I looked at the girl.
“You know.. My mother is working..” and at the back of my mind I thought.. Yea.. my mother works too.
“MY mother is working so that she can buy me something when I don’t cry at school.” The girl fixed her eyes on me. I just smiled.
“Haha,.. ok. Your turn..” I looked at the boy.
“Well.. I am a damn strong boy..” was what I heard he said
“Sorry.. again dear..?”
“I am a STRONG boy..” He repeated. And I smiled. My hearing can be faulty at times.
“really? How come?” I exclaimed.
“I am strong because I eat healthy food.”
“Hahah.. that’s great!” I smiled.
These are just normal conversations. There are other conversation that could just drive you nuts. You might want to laugh or scold.. but at the end of the day, everyone will smile. It’s a great day regardless what happened.

At this crazy school everyday.. I see these wonderful children. Yes.. they drive us or at least me.. crazy. They can ask and ask and ask to the limit of my words and knowledge.
Yes.. they are smart; And getting smarter. I learn a lot from them.
My life is now going double speed.. because of them. . and It’s better.

my good old days.

2009-08-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

They are seemingly coming back. Those days that I thought I have left. It's back.. in this new life Im living. one by one. I dont know how.. but since it's back. I'll just share it.

Want to smile

To disguise the tears that are falling

Nod head

Admit to myself that I will be scared of the dark

I only seek

That you can lend some time to be with me

But you don't even give sympathy

Want to cryTo find out whether I am numb yet

The whole worldSeems like I am the only one who is tired

Doesn't matterAnyway I'm feeling sad so I'll muddle through and go for a time

If only despair and feeling useless would go far away

The sky is very greyWill itLet me forget who you are?

The darker the night

Dream disobeys

It is hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect

My world is going to be destroyed

Maybe things do not happen as I wish

Tired or not?

Sleep or not?

A single shadow with no one to snuggle with

The darker the night

Dream disobeys

Who is willing to comfort?

My world is going to be destroyed

Maybe being dispirited is another kind of beauty.

A song by Jay chou. shi jie mo ri. The end of the world. I remember myself humming to this song while I was in secondary three. I never heard of the song, yet when I hummed it, It felt farmiliar to me. I search through but didnt find it. only after months later that I found this song and it's words.

now.. im listening to it again. I am trying to find my spirit again.

cahaya seribu liku,

2009-08-10T14:01:00.002+08:00

This is song that Ive been listening. :) by Siti Nurhaliza.

Berlari aku mengejar mimpiku
Dikelilingi indah warna cerita palsu
ku sangka sinar menyebelahiku...
Namun cahaya itu ditutup seribu liku.
Kini tak mungkin ku dipermainkan lagi...Oleh mereka

Satu jadi bingung
Dua tak tertanggung
Kembali ku renung.
Angin pun menyeru..Lupakan yang dulu
Bintang pun setuju.... untuk menemaniku
Sampailah kini pada suatu waktu
Ku berhadapan dengan satu fenomena baru
Ku tahu arah nak tujuJangan cuba untuk mempengaruhi ku.

meow :)

shabondama.

2009-08-04T14:17:00.000+08:00

I have said it to myself again and again every night.
God listens, I know.

I have it sitting on my mind,
but do i have to say it?
nah.. I dont think so..
That will cost me alot of words.
I am incapable of that right now.

My heart says to let it digest and should it come out someday..
may it come out smoothly.. Inysa'Allah.

God knows what is right and wrong with me.
He know what is inside and outside of me.

May Im guided with the right decision by Him.
May I am guided to always do the right thing.
Insya'Allah.

Love. I shall continue to smile to it. May it stay with me.
Life. I shall move on with it.

may this thing that's sittng on my head.. shall only be 'shabondama'! :D

shabondamashabondamashabondama! :D

di bawah pohon asmara.

2009-07-31T17:40:00.002+08:00

I thought it was all in the past..

something that I should already forget.
Yea.. I thought.

I didnt realize that..
the memories that I thought I have kept away..
are actually still sitting at the back of my mind.
That all these while..
they are there..
But it was me who cloud them away from my view.

weird.

yea I guess.. It was my b-l-o-o-d-y ego.

we play snow when it was winter

we eat pizza together when it was summer

we watch movies together while eating dinner

we try to make life better.. together.

we danced we sang we laughed

as if that day was to stay forever.

I was just with my own blue sky..

but you girls made a rainbow.

now I am back with my own sky

trying to paint the rainbow you have made.

I have failed.

Those days.. wont happen again.

nevermind. It alright.

I have to move on.. and I shall carry this heavy missing feeling along.. for as long as it wants to stay.

meow..~

It's better with love.

2009-07-25T20:12:00.002+08:00

words are painful,

to say or not to say..

both ends with the same result.

so It's better to say it with love

or not to say it because of love.

people can be hurtful,

to have friends or not,

both cause the same pain.

so it's better to make friends because of love

or to stay away from friendship

and find true love.

love,

when it comes you cant refuse

when it is not told to come yet

you can never look for it

ever.

love is

what is has always been.

a feeling. a gesture. a verb. a mystery.

though painful,

but because of love, it become bearable.

though in times of worry

but because of love.. it somewhat create calmness.

love.

too many times repeated.

too many people say it.

still.. it carry a special meaning to every hearts that's containing it.

love is a gift

the colour that brighten the life.

it's not red or green or blue or pink

nor it's your favorite colour,

it's love.

It's just plain LOVE.

meow!~ =)

New Air.

2009-07-23T21:36:00.002+08:00

Story ONE- Iced lemon tea.

she looked at the tin of ice lemon tea. she touched it with such curiousity on her face.

I smiled and said "it's empty sayang.."

she still frowned.

"but what is that drink?"

"It's Lemon Tea"

"Oh.." she smiled.

"maybe when i grow up i can have such drink right?"

"Freedom to choose your drinks.." ran through my mind.

"yea.. maybe I think you can" I replied.

"Yea.. when i grow up like you, i think i can.." she continued.

I could just smile. How innocent can a child be. How observant can they be at the same time.

however, what she doesnt know yet.. that having the freedom to choose a can of drink could bring you a carton of problems to be solved and settled.

That's how life is.

May Allah protect her from any harm as a child and as an adult, Insya'Allah. Amin.

meow!~ :)

gangster damai.

2009-07-22T13:09:00.003+08:00

there are times when we really want to vent our anger, but we swallow it down.. though it is so bitter.. we know.. that's the honey to our Eeman.

There are times as well, we thought we are doing so many things.. almost everything.. why cant some people use their brain and show some concern and offer help.
but we know that being a muslim, we do everything in the cause of Allah, so we erase that thought of and continue the work.. waiting for rewards to come.

There are as well times when we feel.. what are these people thinking and feeling..? why isnt things going the way we thought it would..?

because these are the times Allah wants to test us. Test our eeman, or sincerity and the strength of our believe in Him.

Humans do forget. and that's a fact.. we think we remember.. but when comes the real test.. we could just forget.

in whatever path we are.. test like this may come often and unexpected.

over and over again.. we say we know we know we DO know.. But Allah is the Most Wise.

so we dont really know actually.. what is the strength of our eeman, the height of our sincerity and the depth of our belief in Allah.

we can only try and try to make sure that it is maintained at all possible times.

Allah Yahdiinaa. =)

The self is the first.

2009-07-17T12:19:00.003+08:00

I believe..

for something that we want people to enjoy.. we have to enjoy doing it first.

I believe..

for something that we want people to do.. we have to do it first.

I believe.

to have people listen to us.. we have to learn how to listen to the others first.

so there.. I know..

for everything.. it starts with the person himself first.

no matter what could the work or deed be.

we just have to put ourselves in the 'first' position.

It is impossible to be doing something that we dont understand.

and that is what I believe.

meow~! :)

under this same sky..

2009-07-15T21:04:00.017+08:00

I dont meet up with that many people in my everyday life.. but to all these same people I see everyday; with the same smiles and the same frowns and the same sighs, I seem to learn alot from them.. sharing alot with them.. and just observing life from their happiness and pain.

'Only when one taste the bitterness of illness that he will appreciate the sweetness of Health'

'Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body'

'unexpected things happen more those that we expected'.

There are many things that we may see to be simple.. but it's a totally complicated thing. I see this in their eyes from the ordeals of their life.

'in pain we gain..lesson and gift.'

I believe that their endurance will bring a positive outcome. May they receive the best blessings and Reward from Allah for whatever that they are made to go through.

and from this lonely side of mine.. i only watch and smile. I am not wise.. neither could i understand everything..

but I can feel as i watch. and that brings the smile.

I only see Happiness in Everything.. but I cant translate that view into words.

Nothing New..

2009-07-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

life.

the same word, over and over repeated. Over and over explained.

life.

different colours. different stages. different challenges.

life.

smell it. see it. touch it. hear it. Feel it.

life.

ask anyone.. what's about it.

differences will what you get.

life.

for me..

is..

no other than

Love.

life.

this is it.

With love,
Zahidah. :D

love changes everything..

2009-07-05T17:29:00.003+08:00

what have been going on with me..?

*too many dreams, without much work. but the same exhaustion.

*i dont want to blame the increasing burning heat.. i love nature.

*so many things i dont know about.. what a shame.

* i dont plan anymore.. i just make sure i get myself prepared all the time for the worst ONLY. so my what can u find in my aid box?

-emotional plaster. helps me to numb from all kind of pain and cover it. helps me to strech a good length of smile as well.

-cadbury's chocolate 'BOOST', three leg brand cooling water, chezels, epok2 sardin..; these will be for my physical support. help me to move and move and move forward when the sun really suck my energy out.

and of course.. the most important of all.. i have these at good and bad times.. all the time..

-DOA DOA DOA DOA!!

though now there seems to be some cases that i begin to curse.. but not aloud... i really hate that. really really hate that... but urgh!! im such a weakling.. some things just cant be controled.. no matter how badly i want to.

financial supplement.- this is an essential that everyone needs to have. and i really really hope this supplement will help me through till i am legally his wife.. AMEEEEEN YA RAB.. or maybe till we are even married.. AMEEEN

*things may seem relaxing to some people who look and observe my every day life.. but only .. ONLY ALLAH knows what's going through my head.. and how much work that is. I dont lie about this.. but people may have that 1% of possibilities thinking that im lying.

but know what..?

I dont care. they can think and judge..

Im told to move foward.. and that's not a new advice for me.

i asked myself some nights ago...

"what happened to Syria?"

and i heard some where inside of me said..

"that was.. those are the pasts..i have put those nice memories and beautiful times into an album, that i wont look anymore.. only at depressed times"

i have my aim and i know whre to move from here.. i just need the correct path. Insya'allah.. everything will go smoothly. Allah Yahdiinii.

amin.

We met for a season.

2009-05-15T14:40:00.002+08:00

they say.. that there are three types of people that we meet,

some we meet for a reason,

some we meet for a season

and some we meet for a lifetime.

that season for me to mature and grow may be gone.. but im missing those people i have met during that season.

if this is earth.. how will hell be?

2009-05-03T18:01:00.002+08:00

what can this palm do?

even with my both arms.. what can i do?

i will always try my best to hold what i have always hold on to.

i wont let it go.. because of the time and the much love taken to make it be at my embrace.

how i miss them.. but i only keep it silent.

how i wish for something to happen.. but i know reality will be as it is.

this is how it is.. and shall stay as it is

under a different sky..

2009-03-23T12:09:00.002+08:00

there were times when i thought..

good times can be preserved and stay forever,

no matter where i land my feet.

the good times that we shared.. i believed they can always be increased

and there wont be any moment when i start to reminise those sweet chapters.. because i know.. if that happens, it means things will start to end or change.

No.. it wont happen.. I thought.

but that was the time when I was looking up at a different sky.

Sky that was not mine.

Now Im looking up at the real sky.

Happiness define itself to be something else.

and just like i was told before..''Life is not always beautiful"

Im seeing that being true

and im seeing myself reminising the good times..

with a broken heart.

"sebanyak mane awak rindukan kite.. sebanyak itu juga kita rindukan awak,

tapi sedikit mane awak lupakan kite...tidak sedikit pun kite lupakan awak."

just a message i found when i was reminising those good times.

The expected turn.

2009-02-23T12:24:00.003+08:00

Everything that is created is subjected to change..

so no matter what happens..whether we want it or not..

Things will change.

Changes for the better or worst..they still need great preparations..

emotionally, mentally and physically.

In so many ways..changes will get us affected.

Like how the weather can change unexpectantly..

so does life and its planning.

I promise myself that I will be happy in what ever path I choose,

I promise to NEVER regret with what ever the outcomes may turn out to be..

because I have promise to only follow the path towards Heaven; towards Allah.

For all that.. I know it will always be good.

Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah.

Rainbows.

2009-01-28T10:49:00.002+08:00

it seems as if it was just last month that i graduated from sec 4,
but everything and everyone seems to develop so fast. Alhamdulillah. It's beautiful when I recall those memories that we had.

and now.. one by one, has gone to different paths. Subhanallah.. His blessings are everywhere.

some appeared in the papers, some have already given birth, some a getting married.. but no matter what they are doing, I know they are happy. Insya'Allah.

We might not be able to cross each other's paths all the time. but when we do.. we know that we were once friends of the same class and the school, and those nostalgic moments will sit in our mind; thinking how childish and silly we were.

some of us might even have lost in touch with each other, but maybe Insya'Allah.. which ever path we have chosen now will take us to the one Destination, and Insya'Allah it will be there that we'll be united again. Insya'Allah.

I am so glad to hear or read the news of my old mates, some of them are so far away.. but even the ones so near to me.. i havent been able to meet them. My doa are always with all of you no matter what the distance is.

May Allah be with All of Us. Amin.

Alhamdulillah

Fi amanillah.

we are looking up at the bright sky

2009-01-25T20:07:00.003+08:00

Salam,

Having too shocked and blurred with handling four new mass classess, I have messed everything up. It only makes me guilty to mention it here. But Let's just pray and hope that I will manage my classes well enough in time to come.

because it is only this week that the joy of teaching is coming back. I listened to the kids long winded stroies that has no relation to what I was teaching,
but that made her relief... and that is enough to make me happy.

plus, this year is my frist time taking Teenage MASS class. The first lesson made me depressed, because it made me feel so very bad.
and I lost my voice in the middle of the lesson in the second lesson.
and the third lesson went quite well.
and this recent fourth ones.. made me even comfortable with each of them.

They are so young, so much like my sisters and brothers.. uh well.. even when I dont have any brothers.. but it's a joy to see every each of them coming every week to hear me babbling about.

hahahha.. In all.. Im enjoying my teaching journey again.. just as how I always did. but a shock of commitment did turn me off.

And even when i Know I am not and never was a good teacher, but I will try to do my best. not to make the student like me.. I want them to be the lover of ilm, the ilm that will bring them closer to Allah.

at the end of each day.. I can only say,

Alhamdulillah. Allhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
His grace never cease and never fails anything.

Salam Angin kencang dari Singapura~~

cupcakes anyone?

2009-01-23T11:23:00.002+08:00

salam to All..

It feels now as if I have been here for a year. How strange that is.... because it has only been less than 2 months now since I came home.

why does it feel soooo long? hmm

the job over here is to just work, wait, work wait, work wait......

im working EVERY SINGLE DAY.

and I am waiting EVERY SINGLE MINUTE.

I cant wait to see my EEemaniss and hannans and Rayyans girls to come home. hehehe I know u have booked your date to fly off!! hehehe

see all of you gals soon k? hheheh

Inysa'Alah I'll be at the airport to greet all of you!! hehehe CEPAT CEPT BALEK!!

as for my special friend, Mardhiyah.. you just wait for me yarh!! i'll be back soon and we'll be Raya-ing together this year. heeeh.

nothing much going on around here, except for the strange weather. It keeps changing. But Alhamdulillah, everything else is fine.

i really hope all of you are doing well there, for those who are facing imtihan, all the best!! Bittaufiq Wannajah!!

let's just make doa for each other and our akhwatz an ikhwan in Gaza.
The only weapon that we have to help and support each other- Duua'.

Fi amanillah.

i can be in PINK and still look GOOD

2009-01-07T11:15:00.002+08:00

when i left home..

i know exactly where i left heart.

I missed my family. but taht missing is plastered and cured.

Alhamdulillah.

now ..

Praying every day and night..

hoping that all my dearest friends over there..

whom I'd like to recognize as.. My second Family,

to be doing all right and always be in the care of Allah.

Myself now.. is in a very questionable state.

Myself now.. isnt sure where to be now.

I hope to see you guys and gals again soon.. Insya'Allah.

I miss you people over there.. missing all of you greatly.

Let's just make doa for each other.

milk goes really well with koko krunch.

2008-12-28T18:18:00.002+08:00

I moved around with the world..

and it was fun.. even there'll be times when I get a little dizzy and tired..

and how I wished it would stop.

I m watching the worl going around..

with me just sitting and just watching.

like some TV show.

yea.. It's still fun.

But..

It's lonely.

dreaamms..

2008-12-24T16:04:00.002+08:00

It was real when I was there..

The laughter.. The tears.. The anger..

I believe it to be true.. and if I had gone back.. those will be memories.

but now im here.. if feels as if I was just dreaming.

Im not doing anything much.. but just astounded by the dream I had.

Moving on

2008-12-13T15:45:00.001+08:00

Who knows what is happiness?

We were only mole digging for holes

But we met each other and became friends.

And the darkest part of our life

Has brightened up by what Allah has made us bumped into.

Who knows what to define true friendship?

Even if u could dig up a treasure chest

That could suffice your whole lifetime..

You might not have find that gem of Friendship..

That could suffice you more than in this life.

Who knows exactly what is Love?

Because once it was said that..

Even the sun never said to the earth..

“You owe me”

Look at such Love..

that has brightened up the whole sky.

So what do we own?

2008-11-13T00:54:00.000+08:00

when i left my home.. to a place i know not where..
I believe that I wont regret.
I numbed the heart from fear..
I was so ready with whatever to be encountered.

I didnt know what was exactly in my mind..
when everything was decided.
luckily the heart made me feel good with whatever that I did.

I met friends.. I met hearts of different colour.
I met people who filled me with so much love.

now the time is coming closer..

the time to return..

and to repair this heart from deep longing for almost one and a half year.

But to leave this place.. and to see again those whom I already known for years..

makes the heart heavier.

what kind of irony is taking over..??

only the facesof my family.. will make my heart calmer.

yes im coming home, Eunos Crescent.

Wait for me.

Tanya sama Hud Hud..

2008-10-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

Terlalu banyak yang berlaku dengan sebab yang satu.
Kejadian demi kejadian.. dipersoalkan, dihuraikan.. oleh mereka yang bukan berdiri di tempat kejadian.

Gelak hati tertawa. Pandai nye menghukum.

sekarang disini aku menyaksikan segala yang berlaku..

mengajar aku...

Diam

Doa

Sabar

Tawakkal

Syukur dengan Rezeki.

Kita akan terus senyum.. kerana semangat mesti disambung.. untuk jalan jihad kita sedang lalui ini.

days of tears..

2008-10-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

And because I had forgotten..

and ignored all the warnings..

I have placed us in this terrible dangerous state.

Forgive me.

Another History I have marked in This Eid..

We are going to cry a river..or maybe tears of blood.

But words have finally spoken everything that I have been bottling up.

It just need a pause.. never stop please. Pause and then pick up where we have left.

A pleasure to be gained.. only after hardship and pain.- This I believe.

"No pain.. No gain"

so again.. and for another millions of times..

Forgive me. Im sorry.

Baby it's All Good..

2008-08-07T00:11:00.001+08:00

Whatever the weather is like.. for the whole day

Whatever the mood is like .. for the rest of the day..

Whatever comes in the way.. be it the Good ones or not..

Whoever we meet.. we chat.. we laugh with every day of our life..

Whatever Hiccups we have to go through..

In what ever way others will try to hurt us..

We smile.. and say it to them..

Baby, It's all gOod.

Though we have crushed plans,

Though we have thorns along the way.. that had our feet bleeding,

Though we carry so much shame in our face..

and dirt our self with sins,

and the whole worlds knows our mistake..

Let's just smile because..

Baby, It's all Good.

Allah still loves us, dont forget that.

Allah wont leave us astray.. keep that in mind.

Allah Is here with us..

Watching us.. listening to us.. guiding us..

Telling us when we turn the wrong way..

Getting us back to our feet when we fell

Showing us the way when we dont know where to move..

So dont Worry..

There isnt anything to fret.. for;

Baby, It's all Good.

Alhamdulillah. Oh Allah.. Everything is Good. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

The UFO

2008-07-30T23:20:00.004+08:00

There used to be a UFO in the sky.
It was there all there all along, and My eyes were stuck to it.

I have forgotten about having a clear sky..
I have lost the memory image of a clear beautiful refreshing sky.

Now the UFO has flown away..

and I realised that I have been looking up at the sky so blue so clear. With not a cloud to cover the pure view.

My heart now feels so relieved. All there is now only the road to move on, under this clear sky that Allah has sheltered me-maybe now the sky is alot better.

The UFO created fear, confusion and a mixture of different kind of feelings.
But as I stood watch, I never imagined that today It'll fly away.
I have been watching it; sometimes with full hope, sometimes with a great loss of confidence.

What ever it is now.. it has flown away- to another sky.

What a Waste..

What a memory..

What a relief.

Say what now??

Thank You Allah. Alhamdulillah.

going solo..

2008-07-08T23:19:00.002+08:00

It's the people that I amsupposed to be tired of..

but they are the people i am missing the most.

It's them whom I should know more about..

but they are becoming more like a strangers to me.

Too much ironies are going on in my life..

that sometimes i feel..

is this life?

or a dream?

or a nightmare?

dreams are becoming blurry, nightmare are turning out to be true and life.. who knows.

I cant cry or laugh over this.. maybe all that I can is to just smile.

And even that.. I have failed to do.

I am the ghost of the house..

I am the sad clown looking for inspiration to make everyone happy.

I am the trying-too-hard lover, and end up doing everything wrongly.

I am walking on a rope.. waiting for the time for me to fall.

I am looking up at the sun with my eyes closed..

No longer my face is showing what my heart feels.

I dont know what I'm doing.

but I am seeing everything beautiful..

I am hearing good things..

Masya Allah.

what a life, what a change.. Subhanallah.

2008-06-11T20:54:00.003+08:00

Whatever that I do..
Whatever that I say..
only He knows the truth of it.
because He watches me at every beat of my heart.
and that's enough.

Reasons cant explain why..
Words are never never enough to satisfy.
Silence just makes everything even confuse.

Ya Allah..

It is in the arms of Ummi that I wish to be now..
It is the voice of Aba that I wish to hear now..
It is the joke of my Two bonker sisters that I wish to smile for now..

Missing Home.. greatly.

Dear Time.. when will u take me home?

after so long..

2008-06-05T01:15:00.002+08:00

"Contentment means.. having enough, having little of everything and having a great deal of spiritual energy!!"

I'm trying to get myself back on tracks.. i want my old self. I'm beginning to feel that TOO MUCH Happiness is ruining me.

so.. in this process of being just content and not too happy.. i might just change some of my thoughts and responses.

life is too much up and downs.. that now i am all confused how to deal with life.

and because of this great confusion.. it has sometimes made me silent. to think.. and think and think.

life.. oh life.

let me be content.. and i hope all the around me can understand.

fi amnillah.

closer than ever.. but..

2008-05-11T23:26:00.002+08:00

Everyday..

my stay here is becoming more and more pleasant..

and it's making me reluctant to leave..

No.. i dont mean I dont want to go home..

which Idiot doesnt want to go home and see his family anyway..

it's Just that.. If ever someday.. I leave this place,

I wont know what to do if miss this place.

Everyone..

just amaze me beyond words..

everyday.. there'll be something that they do or say..

which only draw me closer and closer and so much to them.. and THUS attached to them.

I cant do anything with this feeling.

I love everyone.. everyone who is walking on this same jihad lane.

we are not walking and just holding hands..

we are hugging each other at all times.

argh!!!..

sayang korang arh.

and sayang u too.. i am now floating happily in the sea of love. ahhh.. .

Allah is so Great... Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.

Kisah Si Ting dan Si Tong.

2008-05-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

Maka.. telah ditugaskan kepada si Ting dan si Tong in dengan satu tugas yg sukar dan mecabar.
Walaupun si Ting ni pernah buat keje sebegini.. tetapi keadaannye lain sekali di sini. Tambah lagi dgn keselengaan Si Tong.. menyusahkanlagi larh tugas.
Pusing2.. satu si'naah.. merayau rayau entah ke mana.. haixx.. mmg dah dipasangkan si Ting dan si Tong.. maka kemane sahaje mereka pergi keadaan semue jadi TINGTONG.
Tetapi.. walau bagimana TINGTONG pn keadaan.. sampai berbual melayu dgn org arab pn.. kite akan JALANKAN dan TUNAIKAN tugas kite.. tanpa ke-TINGTONG- an. Doakan ekh semue.

That will be today's report. I thought that my days after exams would be less busy.. but indeed i am wrong and now i hope sch starts soon.. and i can relax more. =.= the only time i had when i return home is to just eat and wash my face and then leave the house again. But alhamdulillah.. I am still okay and still able to sit here and make a blog entry.

here's something to share..

Woman was made from the rib of man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be closed to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.

so short but so sweet.. ^^

so that shall end today's entry!!

FiAmanillah.

HAppInEsS aT EverY TurN

2008-04-30T23:49:00.002+08:00

This is from what I see and feel..

27th of April..

It was one kind of closeness that I never felt..

A kind of family-like feeling that I've been missing..

even though I was busy with my task..

I didnt miss the wonderful atmosphere that day.

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

plus.. everyone was soooo handsomely and stunningly well dressed. What a sight I miss now.

and at the end of the day.. it was all satisfying. Masya Allah.

perhaps others find it otherwise on that day..

but it's one of my happy experience I've had here.

Thank u guys and ladies for making it a day for me to remember.

Exam has ended.. but not our friendships.

Fathanah is going crazy.. because no school.. almost seems like no life for her.

and Guys and Fath and mas.. and myself.. GOOD LUCK WITH THE RESULTS.

only Allah witnessed how much effort we put to strive in order to get good marks.. so dont regret over any kind of mistakes or stupid answers u've given. That's it for now.. Allah will know what to return for our efforts.

so.. basically.. It's happiness at every turn for me. HAMDAN LILLAH.

Too Carried Away..

2008-04-23T01:21:00.002+08:00

Terlalu aku Ikutkan nafsu..

Telalu aku Asyik dengan Kerja keduniaan..

Terlalu aku ikutkan Perasaan..

Hingga Terlajak aku dari Landasan.

Skrg rase aku Tamparan Dari Tuhan..

Terlalu kesal Untuk aku Ungkitkan..

Terlalu malu Untuk Ku mohon Keampunan.

You know.. when u're drifted away with things that are only to carry u away from who u are.. All the stoopid sinful mistakes start to mark in ur everyday life.

I admit.. Yes.. I am wrong and drenched with sins. How do I atone to all these mistakes.. I dont know. It's not my Power..

anytime when I stray away from u.. please dont take it to heart. I just want to protect you from the sins that could ruin u like they ruined me. I hope can understand this.

Adakah ini ujian??.. atau balasan..??

mungkin tak perlu aku fikirkan..

hanya perlu ku perbetulkan segala kesalahan.

Ya Allah.. tunjukkanlah aku tika aku terlepas..

Lindungilah aku tika aku terlupa..

terlalu jahil dan lemah diri aku..

tujukan lah hati aku hanya untuk Mu.

tidak ada kasih dan rahmat lain ku perlukan.. kecuali DariMU.

Maybe it's time that I REALLY wake myself up. I've SLEPT ENOUGH!

SMACK RIGHT TO UR FACE ZAHIDAH!

TranSfoRmer ZaHIdah!!

2008-04-20T22:48:00.003+08:00

Ahh.. Relieved..

Hey.. I am Fat and Black Now!! khehe.. happy??

the weather has done great to my skin that now I have 3 colour tone to my face. hahah.. not even any alien has that. =.=

plus.. I have unintentionally incresed the fleshes to my body.. and I am now fat!.. ^^

heheh.. and nope! I am not being negative.. I can accept the Reality... WHOLEHEARTEDLY! ^_______________^

and if i look it at the birghter side.. hmm.. it shows that how happy I've been! ne? hahha..

yes yes yes.. I am happy. for so many many many reasons.

Alhamdulillah.. the sky is clearer now.

maybe when u're fat.. u're happier??

ahhh!! FOOD JOY!! ^^ yumyumyum..

2008-04-13T23:11:00.003+08:00

salam.. ^^

I am back to my normal crazy schedule after a week ++ of holidays. Hamdanlillah.. I'm still good and haPPY! and today I am EspeCiaLlY happY.. because of what i wear. ahahha... I know it's stupid.. but after quite a long time I didnt wear anything white.. and today when I see myself in White Tudung it makes me so HappY. not too sure exactly why.. but it does make me feel refreshing.. ^^

never really cared what i wear.. but I think from today on.. I shall match whatever that I wear with my mood. Like how fathanah would wear her colors.. maybe i should be same.. even when our color tones are different.

Ni mungkin semangat 5 minit je..khehhe ^^

just a few things to help me 'adjust' and 'repair' my everyday moods. ^^

best kan putih!!

arh.. that's all. ^^ khehhehehe..

rain rain.. go away.

2008-04-06T21:18:00.002+08:00

adek.. u want something positive ekh from me??

well.. here it is..

Only Allah knows how happy and relieved I am.

everything is ok at home.. hamdanlillah..

okok.. aba.. i know.. dont worry.. okok.. i wont worry.. kakak blaja je.. ok.. kakak blaja.

ummi!.. PereMPUAN MESTI KUAT!..

and friends.. sorry if i shocked any of you when i cried this morning in classroom. so so so terribly sorry. I looked so awful and swollen.. so sorry. I know.. it's already ugly enough when i dont cry.. so.. it bacame monstrous when i cried. so sorry.

I PROMISE!.. I wont cry anymore after this!!

dah dah.. bye. is this positive enough for u adek??

a test for this bloody sinful girl..

2008-04-05T14:58:00.002+08:00

no one knows how desperate I am now..

especially this COmPuter!.. Hmph!.. naseb baik kau tk bernyawa..

A news came last night broke my heart but I know I cant do anything.

How I wish to be by her side now........

arhh.. see?? I'm wishing for the impossible again. =.=

and since I am so helpless now.. and at the end of my mind thinking of what I could do..

I hope this entry is enough for me to vent and pour all my anger and feelings.. =.=

Ummi!!! jage diri arh... mmg arh hosp best.. tp kalau pegi as visitor arh!! jgn saket2 arh..

I hate this feeling of being helpless..

I know I am able.. but I cant..

warrgh!!

2008-04-03T01:45:00.002+08:00

I.. if were given somekind of a power..

or given a chance to make an impossible wish..

I'd wish Syria and Singapore were neigbours.

Yes..

then I wouldnt have to crack my head and heart thinking about leaving this place.

and if ever I have to leave this place.. this year.. or the year after.. i know I wont be back.

and that really really hurts.

ah.. see..?! I am crying again.. thanks to brahim.. HmPh..!

I know I wont forget any ONE of you. even if I try.. I know I cant.

and That's all I feel like saying.. coz.. I have this feeling that I will soon leave this place.. even before I know. I hate hate hate this feeling.

and If one could scan or give an x tray to my heart.. u'll see that It's hugging strongly to everyone whom I see everyday and who are close to me and those I'm missing.

BIG HUUUUGG!!

all around..

2008-04-01T18:39:00.002+08:00

Fathanah say..

"cube kurang pikir"

"cube ralax"

"dudok betol2"

"berbual zaida.. jgn pekik"

"kau mcm gini sbb otak kau hyperactive sgnt"

"hati dgn otak kau tu tgh tk betol.."

"kau amcm?"

"kau ok tk?"

"cube dudok diam2.."

"Pegi mane plak ni??"

"ni semue penyakit perempuan.."

"kau ckp kau tk pikir.. tp die ade dlm otk kau.."

"kau ckp tk suke.. tp.. hati kate lain.."

"kau ckp lain dari ape dlm kat otak kau"

"otak kau cepat dari mate kau bergerak.."

Shahirah says:

"kau boleh tipu aku.. tp kau tkle tipu diri sendiri"

"MEMEKAK!"

Kak Dja says

"Doa bnyk2"

"Zaida dgn shahirah ni.. aku dah tk tau ape aku nak buat dgn dorang.. nak sepak je dedue.."

and myself says

"PEREMPUAN MESTI KUAT!"

where it is now..?

2008-03-31T00:32:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

I am changing... so much that I've forgetten where I placed myself now. Like a broken puzzle I am now.. arh.. and do believe me now.. that I am crying as I'm typing this.

I am never strong.. I just numbed myself all the way through.. and when just now I looked through my entrries archieves.. I found a slide of pictures when we had our excursion. I've.............. found all the feelings that I needed to feel and all the words that I've always wanted to say.

I cant just say I miss YOU.. all of you.

I'm.................. not myself.

can I be any more cruel to myself than this..? how did I locked up all the feelings and only numbed myself from all these..?

Said Umar: "For a servant of God, there is nothing sweeter than the swallowing of his own anger. Niether milk nor Honey can be compared to it." (Ahmad, Musnad)

yes I remember it... and I am still in process of practicing it.

and Yes.. Everyday.. is just about..

how I have to fight my own laziness to go to school.. to go to work..

how I have to keep up with words of the painful humans around me.. but still.. they are one kind of a pain that I love.. and I will most definately miss them when I leave this place.. and it's a memorable pain. So I dont mind this pain at all.

how I would question so many things that dont have the answers.

and No.. my everyday is not boring.. because it's always filled with either things that I've always wanted to do.. but it's beyond my time..so they'd be delayed till the next day and the day after and the time after and the time after after after... or simply things that keep me busy. SO.. nope.. Ummi, aba.. it's not boring, my life is not boring here or inSinagpore.

Return to your oldself zaida!!.. who are u now!? did u lose a screw from ur head??..

arh and I have this frustrating URGE to put up this Sms received; that made me smile till Mahmood (my student) looked at me with a BIG question mark..

"Sesaat pertemuan menitik perkenalan, Seminit perkenalan menerbit kemesraan, Sejam kemesraan meneguhkan persahabatan, Sehari persahabatan akan selamanya dlm ingatan".

Maybe from this entry.. One could conclude that I have lost my mind.

one time she'd be crying.. then she'd be smiling again.. then she'd keeps quiet but suddenly turns into a loudspeaker.. then she'd .. arh that's her anyway.. mood swings up and down .. it's only how one would react to her move everyday.. and how she'd TRY to control the swing.

and Yeah.. I am just randomly talking to myself. Keyboard has always been my best 'Listener'. This is it.. this is way I know I wont bore and hurt others.. and could happily express myself.

RINDU LARH SEY!

2008-03-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

arh home.. I miss u..

yana.......... kai............. NI......................................................... wooooooooooooooonn...

MIss ALL OF U!!.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

ok.. an entry dedicated to those I've been missing. though I dont know what exctly to say.. but I do miss all of u..

been struck with this virus called "speechless-ness".. sorry abt that. i've yet to find the antidote.

canner terok korang miss aku dgn fathanah....... LAGI TEROK AKU KAT SINI RINDU KORANG!..

RINDU LARH SEY!!

sidEs of Me

2008-03-19T02:05:00.002+08:00

Ah...

now I see how Ugly I am

and How much trouble I caused

When I'm Down..

And Weak.

Sorry..

but That's Just how The weather IS like..

Sometimes It's Sunny.. but At times.. It's cloudy..

now here's a secret..

I've always admired mom.. but I never said it to her.. or anyone.

Because of the strength in her is so strong.. even in her sweet snore.

I dont know how to she does it..

But I'm trying now.. to be as strong as her.

And Aba.. U are just as great.. but I'm Lady (insya'Allah)..so my model has to match myself right?..

tak kuat pn tkpe.. action kuat pn jadi!

and here's another secret

I will always have those caring people around me to get me back on my feet.. Hamdanlillah.

sweet words from the mates(even if it's just a note left on the desk when I'm sleeping or away), abrupt and instant powerful SMS from homE,... and even.. the nice little chat on the way home.

these are some of the sweet little things to cheer my mood..

I'll never say I need it..

but when it comes..

It becomes addictive.

wouldn't it?

2008-03-16T03:05:00.002+08:00

I am left with only the keyboard and myself to talk to..

I'll turn insane soon..

but I have to free my chest from all these misery.

Even the Most lenient word wont able to reach..

I am left speechless..

could only watch .. and expect something to come soon.

what power do I have..

to control their freedom of expression..?

who cares how I feel or think..

Do just what u want please..

just when the day comes..

I hope I can still forgive.. if not forget.

Anger.. I thought was sweet..

but now It's stuck on my throat..

and It's so bitter now.

I'll be home, dear.. soon. dont think of not seeing me please. I have to see you.. all of you even if I breathe my last tomorrow.

I miss you.. please dont forget me here.

2008-03-14T02:14:00.002+08:00

knowing them..

has opened a new world for me..

something I never expected.

and because of this..

I dont know..

if this is a bless..

or a pain.

I am trying my best

very very best

to the point of forcing myself..

to view everything at the POSITIVE side.

Husn Zann.. is what I always remind myself.

Never to have any bad assumption on anyone..

no matter how much or little I know..

regarless of how much or little I see with my own eyes.

Husn Zann.. Husn Zann.. Husn Zann.

Listening to Jay Chou's voice now..

reminds me of how happy I was back then.

arh.. what change now I'm going through.

Allah..

Guide me.

Help me.

Do Calm my frantic self.

2008-03-07T20:53:00.002+08:00

Kepenatan yg ku alami setiap hari,

takkan ku siakan dan lepaskan setakat dgn lena beradu..

akan ku capai harapan ku dari setiap tapak jalan ku..

akan ku cari kemanisan hidup dari setiap duri yg ku pijak..

Dari Kesusahan yg ku alami di jalan ini..

akan ku ajarkan nafsu ku Kesabaran

akan ku kuatkan diri ku dlm Keimanan.

Here is my say..

2008-03-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

I've been trying to pretend as if nothing happened..

I've been trying to hide whatever I've been feeling..

I've been trying not to show anything from my words and actions..

coz we still have such a long way to go.

All I want is for us to keep focus of whatever we want to achieve first.

Feeling isnt a game.. I know.. and so iS Life and Future and Friendship.

Ya Allah.. kau lebih mengetahui.. lebih berkuasa. Ku Tawakkal segalanya pada kuasa mu.. Jika Dia adalah yg sebenarnya untkku.. tetapkan Hatinya dan Kuatkanlah Dia dlm keimanan kepada Mu.

Just a Teeny weeny remainder...

2008-02-28T02:10:00.002+08:00

If sOmthing That's meant to Be Yours.. It'll staY yours. You can'T Avoid It.. and You DOnt Have to die die Wait for it.
Let Nature Takes Its CoursE..

Dont lost hope just as the sky turns cloudy.. dont turn away just because thinGs areNt GoinG your Way..

Live Each day as It is.. and Try to Accept everythinG that COmes as Another Blessing; Disguised or not.. It's just the way you look at It.

Remember that Good Things Dont come FRee and Easy..

Strive and Strongly Believe iN WhaTever That You'Re Acheiveing.. U'll Then sEE WHat You're CaPaBle of DOing

HiccuPs, HappineSS, HatRed, HOmeSick, HelplessNesS, HOPes, HumPs and All the 'Haha's and The 'Huhu's are in The package..

so Be Prepared..

These are the few things That I wiLL keeP In MY Head!..

I know That I will Always Have Allah with me..

I know I have my Family behind me; invisible they are right now.. But I know they are there.

I know I have my Friends.. for they are my helping hands when I'm falling apart, they are my rainbow when the sun refuses to shine on me.. and they are just simply my everyday smile.

Drama of the Weighing Scale..

2008-02-27T03:05:00.003+08:00

so here goes..

the moment when the weighing scale touched 60...My thought went...

"I AM FAT!!!.." I couldnt accept it. It was too harsh the reality for me to accept that I'm 60kG.. so much so the drama.. I rolled on the floor..

I felt.. so FAT.. I couldnt take it. I break my OWN RECORD.. I felt my leg were 3 shawarmas together.. my hands were like sandwich batatah.

So much of the sadness that.. i decided to do something to myself.

I tried to recall all the things that I've done to myself.. and thus thE MAIN point Struck me..

"you have left all the things that u used to do back then.. zahidah!"

which was true.. I'm becoming lesser and lesser myself.

Thus.. I picked myself up and decided to pray.. Isya' (coz it was getting late)

after the prayer and deep suplication...

Atiqah and Ewin were discussing about gaining weight in my room..

"ARgh! How depressing!!"

YEah yeah.. I've gained 8 kg!! so wat??

then Ewin moved the weighing scale from the thick carpet to the cold hard floor..

"I dont think u're 60 Kg zaida.." Ewin said. ( at that point of time.. I thought she was trying to make me feel better)

"Come see!.. Try weighing again.." she said.. and i reluctantly obeyed..

"Ewin.. weighing scale dont lie.. This is MY third time eh.. It'll still fall to 60!!"

ANd like Miracle...

the scale touched 55 and then moved abit.. to 56.

arrhhh!!! my whole world is back in place!!! I'm still within my own limit..

Phewww....~

after all the drama in front of the girls............... I'm still normal. hahahah..

BUT!!..

getting myself controled is my quest NOW..

I have to watch EVERY SINGLE THING that I eat, say, do.. blablabla.. so on and so forth..

every single BIT of it..

lest the scale wont touch 60..

and before anything bad happed to myself..

I'd rather watch myself NOW.

My iman-o-metre and self- supervision camera are now operating every single minute and second.

BUt in CASE These machines in my System are down..

Please Do Tell me If ThEre'S anyThing Wrong That I'm DOINg.. tell me.. Inform me!!

but the mystery of my weight becoming different from the carpet to the hard floor.. is yet to be solved..

and who knows... maybe Allah wanted to give me a test of the moment.

There are Blessing in everything...

Fi AmaniLLah.

Rahmah MinAllah...

2008-02-22T20:36:00.002+08:00

SAlam!!!

hahah.. It's me AGain.. Yeah.. Now I'm In REaL GooD Mood.. so is this Anisa Next to me! hahha..

arhh.. now I'm talking to my family.. and the Mic over there is kinda faulty which irritates the hell out of me actually..

hahahha..

I am free from my DUtieS today!.. away from the kitchen and SPrinG CLeaNing!! kheheh.. maybe bacause of that.. it adds a little cheer to my mood. hahah..

ok now..............................

#scratch head#

I thought I had so many to tell............

but ..

what was it eh?

TAK INGAT LARH..

bye arh..

I'll be STRONG..

2008-02-22T02:23:00.002+08:00

Salam to all..

Just when I thought my mind could rest..

Like My sister mentioned.. Febuary oh Febuary.. It's not the end of the month yet.. what a month Febuary has given me. I thought this month would be much relaxed.. Indeed.. I am so wrong. Physically.. yeah It's relaxing.. but not mentally.. my mind is always thinking.. and thinking.. arh!!!.. What's the cure eh...

murder myself? (=.=)

Why do I care about too many things eh..

ok stop it.. let's talk about the positive HaPPy thingS (that I know of..)

My sister is enrolling into Singapore Poly.. taking some.. chem tech course.. arh.. Good FOr her.. Hamdanlillah.. I know she can make it since that's her first choice.. Hamdanlillah.

What other good news that I know.. Hmmmm......

#sound of cricket in the mind#

#the sound's getting louder..#

I'm still alive and breathing?.. Hamdanlillah..

That's a good news..right?

I wanna go back.. home..

nonono..!!

STAY ZAHIDAH..

BE strong..

"Stay positive even When u're in the eye of the Storm........."

yeah.. Stay..

bye. FI AMANILLAH..

(it's a rubbish entry.. but I've expressed it all.. that's what matters)

EVERYTHING IS IN CONTROL

2008-02-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

Salam to all.. ^^

There was one time when.. I was so so so sleepy that I almost drop my head on the desk.. suddenly a thunder of thought striked my mind..

"CONTROL YOURSELF ZAIDA!"

and thus like magic I was awakened.. but the thought dragged on into something like..

"I'm in full control of myself! I'm in full control of my feelings.. and problems and time and everything that is still within my control.."

So whatever that was typed in my last entry.. let's forget it!!

Look at the brighter side of things.. zaida.

why frown.. when I have friends and Fathanah with me?

Why mourn.. when...... erm.. when......... i just have to smile to load off the burden?

I can scream at home.. if ever I cant take it anymore..right?

And there was another time when... (ok, this is the 'problems' part.. skip it.. i just need to vomit them all out of my system)

I go to the toilet or kitchen.. but i dont know why.. or just forget why I need to go there.

There'll be another time when I'll take off my shirts or pants.. without reasons.. or just because I see my roomates doing so..

There'll be another time.. I'd be talking and talking and talking.. and at one part.. I'd pause..coz I dont know what I was talking.. or I'd wonder if it was it to the right person?

Small things they may seem.. but it's irritating the hell out of me. I dont know where my mind is sometimes.

And IF THIS CONTINUES ZAIDA.. SOONER OR LATER.. YOU'LL REVEAL YOUR DARK SECRETS TO THE WORLD WIHTOUT REALIZING IT!.

#inhale#

but.. I'm still in control of myself. hamdanlillah

maybe I should make this blog private.. since.. well................. arh.. whatever.

now... I have release them all from the prison of my own system... Insya'Allah khair.. I'll be more careful with my words.. lest I wont show or do anything stupid that will only cause a whole day of embarrassment.

so if my family is reading this..

dont worry.. your daughter/sister here is still okay.

#ahem ahem#

maybe that's all... I guess?

arh before I end..

The people over here really teach me how to live.. properly and they really help in incereasing the level of patience a great deal! TRUST ME.. i was never this patient with anyone or myself when I was in my homeland.. or even at home.
Subhanallah..

If the ***** \traffic jam has taught fathanah life..

well.. mine.. arh.. too much to be listed anyway.. but I know now.. being an Asian.. and Singaporean is better. Hamdanlillah.. I'm a born Singaporean.. for so many reasons... Hamdanlillah.. Indeed whatever Allah has given and decreed.. is still the best. Alhamdulillah..

havent I promised myself not to regret with anything orwhatever I have decided..?

yeah.. I'm still happy and content with my stay.. ALhamdulillah.. I still keep my promise to myself..

With so many friends I have made.. and so many things I have gone through..

this is the stage of my life that I'll never forget..

maybe .. hahah.. #imagining now in my head#..

Someday when i'm old.. I'd be telling all this to my grandchildren..

XD

hahahhahahahahah buat klaka kape zaida?? entah besok hidop ke tk.. nak pikir jadi nenek lagi.. hahahhahahahah!

I'm mad..

bye!

how am I.. and how are you doing?

2008-02-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

salam................

no intention to submit any entry.. but anyway..

I just have so many things on my head.. that................... I dont know where to start, I dont know how to solve it. Those things arent mere things.. they are PROBLEMS AND QUESTIONS!.. =.=

my neck is breaking for the load in my head.. I want to say it.. but................. where do i start? to who? how? and which one should I talk abt?

should I list them here?

arh.. no..

arh anyway... how do i vomit them all out???

there'll be times when I have to raise my eyebrows in order for my eyes to stay open.. otherwise they'd fall closed.. =.=

yeah.. honestly.. I'm in a hard situation with myself.

Aba Ummi.. I miss u loads.

If I have to talk to them.. canI not cry? =.=

or

can I cry?

Looking back..

2008-02-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

My warmest Salam to all..

hahah.. I'm reminicing all that i've ever written in my teen life.. hahah.. and guess what.. haha. I've found so many things.. that I couldn't think of.. right now.

yeah.. how stupid I can be.

one of them.. sounds..

Yes, life is tough.
But hasn't god given you the strength enough?.
We cry, we try, we smile.. we laugh.
That's the joy of being alive.
So much that you can see in life.
Hopes. Happiness. Truth. Betrayal and Love.
Do welcome life.. and live it up..
Along with that gifted mind and heart.

HIDOP!! hahah.. yeah.. now my strength have returned and my thoughts are straight. hahahah.. I need my own words to fuel my own dead soul. hahah.. weird!...

here's more.. if EVER anyone (or myself) want to read...

http://www.fictionpress.com/u/407664/.

haha.. and now as I'm reading everything that I've written.. I'm beginning to wonder.. hahahahah..

WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?

was I madly in love? how did i produced those words with such a feeling..?

In someway.. i can feel every word of it.. as if I wrote them last night. hahahaha..

mapek arh zaida.. ntah ape2 je.

I'm blushing as i read them.. one ofter another..

hahah.. Ok that was me back then. all sweet with words to keep me on the move.. but NOW.. only harsh and forceful words to keep me standing. hahahah..

dah arh.. mapek arh zaida.. =.=
BYE!

Love is a Verb

2008-02-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

Love is a Verb,
rather than some kind of a feeling that only comes and goes,
Love is a Verb,
That needs actions..
in order for one to understand it..
in order for the one to feel it.
Love is a Verb,
So.. show it in your work.
Show it in your Words.
Love is a Verb..
and It takes more than just Skills.

Wh suddenly this? It's because I want to remind myself that i have to go through every day with love!! Yeah.. I have to love what I do.. and LOVE everyone Around ME!

=.= yeah I'll try.. with this sour face of mine.. and my eyes that are becoming lesser and lesser like eyes.. I'll try.

That's it. Bye!!

wait.. wait.. last few words..

"Dont just do it.. LOVE it.."

yeah right .. whatever zaida.. Bye..!

FiAmanillah.

2008-02-02T15:08:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Arh.. actually I have no plan to update my entry.. instead.. I wanted to call home.. but... it seems like no one's at home. ArGH!! I'm very mad actually.. mane dorang ni? =.= but i have to calm down.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i missed call everyone.. and seems there's no reply. mcm nak nanges sey. I battled myself with the pillows and lihaf.. but no one's at home!! nak tdo balek!!

#hold on. let me call again once more.#

AAARRGHH!! mane sey!!!!?????

my thoughts are running wild now.. =.= really wild..

ok that's it..

bye. not in the mood already..

or maybe will be out of mood the whole day..

bye.

The happy and sad days..

2008-01-24T15:28:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Now.. I'm waiting for the pictures to be uploaded. I didnt get the chance to take much pictures during our recent trip to bludan. Our hands were freezing that we just hate to take out our cameras. >.< It's too few.. that.. u can just view it on my Friendster.

When Fathanah arrived, she lost three of her family. and I've lost One.. And now I understand the feeling and whatever that she has to go through. It's abit frustrating.. and the whole of that day.. I was frowning, after cyring in front of the washing machine and behind the refrigerator.
After that shocking call from my dad.. I now have this fear of answering any call from Singapore, hate to hear the similar news. Insya'Allah everyone would be alright. I know i cannot control death.. and everyone DIES. but the thought that I can't see them for the last time.. make me feel so hopeless.

argh! forget about those things.. (arh well.. it's not like I can put it aside.. especially after reading my sister's depressing blog.. =.= )

We had another trip to Bludan last two days.. which was exactly when it was snowing heavily. Hahhaha.. the reaction of the girls could shake the whole of rukndin. All the girls were practically screaming of joy as the snow was falling. It was one of our biggest grace to witness the snow.. and I was on my way to the cyberbcafe. Subhanallah.. cold it was.. but the excitement that was burning in us gave us the energy to go to bludan IMMEDIETLY.
khehhehehehhe!

The sad thing was that.. we didnt really know where we were. hahha.. and it SUPER slippery ( well at least for me.. ). I crawled and slided a few times. haha.. It was fun though.. coz the fall was so sudden that even you're on the ground you'd still be thinking.. "HEy.. did I just fall?"

The MOST IdIotic part was that.. we bought a lot of food to bring along.. but when we were about to eat.. there was only one bag of Muhammarah in my bag.. and the rest was.. left at HOME. can't be anymore stupid-er than that.. =.= but Alahamdulillah.. we werent that hungry at that time.. so we werent really searching for food that bad.

This time round we played alot and screamed alot as well. Plus someone put snow and mud in my mouth.. =.= yeah thanks.. now I know the taste of mud when I die someday. Fathanah was even worse.. she got snow and a small pebble in her mouth!! hahahha.. poor us..

ok.. to be continued.. Fathanah is here.. and we're going to look for khazanah..

bye!!

2008-01-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

a kind of pain is squeezing inside me right now..

a kind of bitter feeling is taking over me.. which i'm trying to control.

no wonder I've been feeling different and been thinking of her..

no wonder I have this bloody urge to call home every now and then..

I have cried it out..

and I wish I could do more to release me from this pain..

but I think I should time a chance to heal me..

Insya'Allah..

now She's no longer around..

somewhere near The Grace of God.. Insya'Allah.

Fatihah to her..

and I miss her.

I told her that I'll see her this year..

Indeed..

I could only plan.. But God decides it all.

Aku redha Ya Allah.. dengan segala Nikmat dan Ujian ujian mu. Aku redha..

did you see how time flies..??

2008-01-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

^.^ I intended to call hoe tonight, but I think it's abit too late already. haha.. anyway, I have realised some great things in these last few weeks.

firstly.. I've turned Twenty! and Gosh.. I feel so old. I can still recall the time when I was 10 and I wondered if I could live to 20.. and Now.. I'm wondering If I could live to forty! hahah..

TUEENYEEEE aKKUuuUu!!! haix... but I can't help it. Insya'Allah this year with the increasing of my age.. It'll grant me more opportunities to do more good and be more like a lady.. >.< Insya'Allah a strong lady..
I've been so tired these weeks.. and Fathanah is my witness. She finally sees with her own eyes how crazy my every day is. hahah.. I now consider myself a Robot that has blood and veins. I just need to be recharged with 5 hours of sleep with three meals a day (at least). In any case.. now I'm sooo used to being busy all the time, I dont what to do when I'm free. REally.. i Really pity my RoomAtes and housemates.. coz my hyperactive-ness would take over me when I'm free. I'll be talking and making noise non stop.. even if it means talking to myself. Yeah.. A lunatic u'd call it.. but once I start.. i dont know how to stop. But i've warned them of this.. so.. Insya'Allah they can stand me. Hahahhaha! (they HAVE TO.. )

the second thing is that, I've been away from Singapore, Macdonalds, MCspicy, French fries, MRT, SBS Buses, Ezlink, Eunos Interchange and Eunos Blk 14.. for half a year already!! and still it doesnt feel that long.
BUt when I look at it in the other way.. as in..
I've been away from my family and friends.. and.. well... some of the roads in singapore.. It FEELS SO LONG AND SO BAD!! ARGH!!.
so.. if i turn my thoughts to the first one.. I can still tell myself that I can stay for another a year, But when It comes to the second thought........................... ARGH!! IT MAKES ME WANT TO PACK UP AND FLY HOME!...

T.T yeah.. I miss them.. not alot.. not very much.. I miss themTERRIBLY!.. Allah knows how bad it is. arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. I have alot to say and tell.. of which if told by the phone.. or online chatting wont be fun!.. I have to look at them and they'd have to see my facial expressions! BUT HOW??????.. webcam isnt.. enough actually. I can only see how fat or slim they've changed.. but.. cant feel the emotions... right? haixxx..

the purpose of my typing in this entry.. is to tell two of my experience of which the first one has made me notoriously known at the dar hadith.. and the the second one has taught me to appreciate ALL the things that I have in Singapore. Allah is most gracious to make me a Singaporean.. and He knows why I have to come here. It is the most important subject in life that I've missed.. which was.. 'BE THANKFUL WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT HAS BEEN PROVIDED'.

sadly though I'm not in the mood to type in the details NOW.. khhehhe..
Kita akan bersambung selepas ini.. (Tak tau bile arh tp..tunggu je, bile mood de dtg nak bercerite.. siap arh telinge korang)

arh.. all tired now. hahah.. Bye!!
FI AMANILLAH! mUACKS!

a time to remember

2008-01-03T16:41:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

yohaa.. how are all of you doing?

Today is a special report on Bludan Trip Yesterday!.

Bludan is the place where we go for SNOWY-FUN! khehehehhe!! yeah.. I saw and WITNESSED REAL HARD COLD SNOW IN FRONT OF MY EYES YESTERDAY!

Masya'Allah... what a feeling it was. ^_^

the journey is quite far though.. but it was all worth it, even when the snow wasnt that much. They are on the way down I assumed. ^^

we went as top as possible and there were just US!

we screamed and shouted our lungs out! khehhe..

firstly what we did upon arrival was... EAT!! All of us just couldnt stand it.. we just had to have our lunch and recharge our energy. hahha.. potato sanwiches and some choc chips did it all.

thus.. start our first game!.. which was SNOW FIGHT!!

two teams against each other. it was soooooooooooooooooooo cold to make snowballs.. but who cares. hahah..

amidst our fight..

suddenly Shahirah said: "Ade permintaan arh.."

everyone went quiet. I assumed everyone else know what was it.. except for me. My mind went blank.. I was like.. "huh?? arent we still fighting?"

a few seconds before anyone reacted.. An idea stuck me..

"Am I going to be sabo-ed?"

which was TRUE!.. that idea came late... that before I could move my feet.. someone grabbed me and all the other girls spread snow all ver my face and body. DARN IT WAS COLD!..

I still managed to stay on the ground as I defended myself.. then someone said..

"JaTOHKAN DIE!! KASI DIE JATOH..."

arh.. and i was immedietly pushed to the ground. Actually with the energy I had.. I could just topple the one who grabbed me in the first place.. and fight my way out from the crazy girls... but.. how can I spoil the fun they were having.

and just for and extra info...

my birthday is still one week ahead. HMPH!!

when they had finally stopped..

I got up and tried to look..

and GOSh.. there came Mardhiah and her camera..

'KACCHEEKk"!!

I was already screaming during the process of sabo-ing, but when the camera was flashed on me.. i went..

"aAAAAAAHH!! BIRTHDAY KU MINGGU DPN!! KENAPE SKRG!!"

and the rest was singging the Advanced birthday song

then it was getting dark.. and we decided our fun ends there.

the way down was.. well.. very very steep and slippery.

hahahhaha!!

anyway.. it was an experience of a lifetime. Insya'Allah we'll go again the near future.! kheheh

till then..

ma'assalamah.. fi amanillah!

2007-12-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum!!! ^____________^

just feeling great today.. alhamdulillah.

^^ bye!

what i didnt expect..

2007-12-01T14:47:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

^.^ Good MOrniNg SyrIA.. hehe.

i have alot to say.. but i'm waiting for the pictures to be ready first. I went to Halab/Aleppo yesterday.. such a great experience. Hamdanlillah. Still tired but.. I'm happy.

everything that I've seen and gone through..

everyone whom I've met accidentally or made friends with..

for every single action that I've taken..

I want them to be my most beautiful memory in my life.

who knows when I'm able to see, meet or even do it again.

Allah is most gracious. Hamdanlillah.

I promised not to regret when I decided to follow this path.

I promised that I'll grow stronger ever since I made my way here.

thus.. remind me of this everytime you see me down or weak.

YOHAA!!

2007-11-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

khehehhehe!! how are all of u doing???

mish mish mish singapore very much! khehehhe

btw.. hari ni hari malu dan bodoh aku.. dah arh. nak cite pn saket hati je. khehehhe tp mmg gtu kan.. tiap2 hari.. ade je hari de

erm.. semua nye alhamdulillah!

ngajar ok.. blaja ok.. mkn cukop.. tido terlebih cukop.. kwn ketawe ade.. kwn nanges ramai.. kawan gile2 bersepah..

ok bye .. sharirah dah sampai! bye!

SELAMAT HARI RAYE! part 2

2007-10-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

Assalamamualaikum!

haha.. It's sooo early in the morning now! haha.. by right.. I should be in bed! haha.. but because later at 9, we'll have a Riadah, thus.. I have come earlier than usual. hmm...

NOw.. let me continue.. Hmm.. well I dont really remember where I last stopped at..

ok... NOw I know.. The part when Fad made that funny scene and I couldnt stop laughing. haha.. we'll there was a few more rounds.
What I find wasnt fair was that.. the questions they asked only about their embassy house! lermakss... mane ade akhwatz tinggal kat umah embassy?? abe tanye brape tiang ade kat umah embassy??? I protested of course! hahah.. It was driiving me mad.. but at the point of my madness.. Fadly gave us the answer. hahah.. he said there was only one. Thus.. I tried my luck.. and we've got the point. HE earned us another 250 points for My grp..hahah..

he said..: tu larh ngamok2.. tk nak kire.

canner kire pn sey... =.=

anyway.. he refused any kind of repayment from us.. but said I owe him one. ntah larh.. mintak2 de lupe.. ^.^

anyway.. then after that round of game and my grp got to the third place.. hahah it was time for the junior syababs to perform! hahah.. but sadly... at this......... my head was already floating and I felt different, so I went into the room to have some rest.
Indeeed.... I couldnt rest well.. BEcause they were too noisy and..... masya'Allah.. meriah!!

and did I tell you abt the syabab wearing baju kurung melayu!.. yeah.. they had their dresscodes!! NMPK CANTIK DAN MERIAH LARH SGNT SGNT!!! It was all colourful!! Masya'Allah..

they were already singing when I finally decided to have a look! HOw cute it was. Qusayri, Fizar, Khairi, Ibrahim, Zahir, hassan, Adi.. took the first the song. Then They sang abirthday song to Taufiq.. hahah.. who knows when exctly his birthday.. and thus ALL of them sang together in such 'harmony'!.. hahahah... ketawe jeeeeeeee larh.

after that.. it was for the akhwat's turn to start with their programme. we did ours at the rooftop.. and we were again separated into grps. hahaha.. and each of the grp hsa to perform something short as.. a................ what eh?? I didnt know the purpose actually.. arh anyway.. My grp did a short skit.. or drama.. or iklan raye. It was abt a mother who called her daughter to ask her to come back for raya festival.. but the daughter refused as it was too late and she already decided to raye with her friends. thus.. 2 days before raye, her daughter called the mother again to ask abt their preparation.. the mother had already died because she fell hard in the kitchen while cooking. It was abit unrealistic.. but we had to come up with something fast ok??? and at the end.. juwai and fash sang.. lagu.. ntah ape. tp pasal Ibuu......... hahah.
I was the mother and the little brother.. Hida was the daughter, fiza was the friend.. juwai and fash were the singers. what was weird was that... ALL OF THESE GIRLS CRIED!!.. and I forced myself to cry.... bUT I CANT!!!HECK!! .. leceh arh.. shahirah called me "bdk tkde perasaan"

then It was the other girls' team to perform. when it came to the jordanian girls to perform. (bdk2 singapore yang blja kat jordon dtg ziarah kite.. ), they gave such such a touching speech. they expressed their feelings.. it was so touching that... I CRIED! (arh berjayee!!)
there were 5 of them.. and one of them said.. roughly larh eh.. i cannot remember exactly what she said.

"Kite kene ingat, mak bpk kite semua susah nak berpisah dgn kite.. mane ade mak tk syg anak. tp sbb kite nak sgnt blaja kat syria ke jordon.. dorang terpakse lepaskan kite. dorang sebenarnye sedih tp untk kite, dorang redha. jadi kite kita sini kene ingat untuk perbaiki diri kite dan blaja betul2.. jgn hampakan dorang. walaupun ade yang mak bpk de dah tkde.... kite mesti perbaiki diri kite dan niat kite.. mane ade mak nak pisah dgn anak.. "

and lots more which i dont want to type it out coz.. I'll cry. semua nanges eh mind you.. it was truly touching.

then they mentioned abt our ukhwah.. Ya Allah.. canner ku nak type eh. tk nak ku basahi keyboard ni.

"KIte tkde dgn family skrg, tp kite ade family baru. Ukhwah kite kene jage.. jgn terputus, walaupun antara pelajar jordan dan syria.. sbb ni aje yang kite ade.."

and many more..

then It was dzohor.. and there was a free time after dzohor. we relaxed abit.. then the prgram resumed.

firsly it was Zahid's short speech.. yeah it was nice and mind opening arh. HE talked abt the relationship between akhwatz and syababz, how we SHOULD understand and tolerate each other. hahah.. ok larh.. oklarh..
then it was gift exchange!.. YAY! we were told to bring our presents that will be exchanged among us.. akhwatz and syabab. it was fun larh.. hahaha.. we draw a number and it's up to our luck whose gift we'll be getting.
The first gift that was given out was MINE!hahah.. number.. err.. 34? and it's now taufiq's. I gave a cup with lollipop and a little letter of greeting.. BUT! I wrapped the thing FOUR times!!.. kheheheh saje nak susahkan hidop org! khehehe..

I got a tin of buttercookie that came from fauzan. hmm.. yeah.. pandai de. hahah.. coz I've been craving for buttercookie.. and that day when I wanted to buy.. i didnt bring enough money.. X<<< hahah.. anyway..

after asar.. there came a sad news. our beloved friend Rafiq had passed away. automatically the whole mood changed. It was really sad.. I really felt for Dja.. coz they are planned to be married in 2 weeks time.. and this happened. I didnt know what to say to dja though i wanted to send her a msg. she was my roomate.. haha.. and we have afew similarities.. anyway.. I felt for her. but she called a few days ago.. yeah.. Allah has given her strength. Alhamdulillah.. she's strong.

on the way back... all was gloomy. when we dropped at sahahshamdin, we said goodbye to out jordanian akhwatz. their visit was so short.. haixx. luckily syria and jordon is close.

in any case.. the day was fun but the ending was unexpected. hmmm.. and when we've arrived home.. My fever resided.. and i felt alot better! Hamdanlillah!

that's it.. BYe! Ma'assalamah!

SELAMAT HARI RAYE!!

2007-10-15T15:56:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum!!

alright now.. people.. as you all know the TRAGEDY happened last week. now.. I think the mood is back. actually.. I dont plan to be here tonight.. but because I'm still waiting for my pictures to be ready.. so here I am! hehehhe.. canner duit tk habes zaida... asek2 internet..

Alright.. on the 14th of oct, is one of the best and worst days in my life. It's the second day of Raya and celebrated at Thaibah. How beautiful is that place.. only Allah knows.. It's His anyway..

BUT.. what was ruined my mood that day was.. I had a bad fever that day! YEah JUST on that day.. my fever went up! the night before all of us work us together to prepare 3 lauks and nasi empit! hahahah.. pelik tk?? khehehe.. but even with my mild fever I still helped out till 2 am.. then subuh when I woke up.. my head was swelling with high fever.(nanges sket arh.. nak tahan saket kan.. tp lps tu ringan sket.. hahah zaida gembeng!!) Even so.. I dragged myself and managed to get myself dressed up. The syabab was planned to help with carrying the stuff.. But In end of out miserable wait.. only four apperead and there was a dozen of things to carry.. thus it's all left to us.. the girls in out raye suits to carry the stuffs. It was an annoying morning for me.

On the way.. where we hired a coach abt an hour journey, I only slept. But the other girls seem to have fun taking pictures and having fun with themselves. Alhamdulillah.. I didnt ruin the mood. haha.. you may imagine how my sour is like.. hahah!

Upon arrival... the place was HELL COLD! it was freezing.. but thanks to the fever I was having.. I was all prepared with a swaeter ( but it wasnt mine though.. Shahirah kindly lent me hers.. coz mine.. well.. was all stuck with bit and pieces of tissue paper.. kheheheh cuci tk tgk dulu kan! padan muke!). The rest of the girls were freezing of course. In the fever I was having.. I have failed to notice the beauty of the place.. until the girls exclaimed.. "CANTIKNYEE TMPT NI!"..That was when I woke up.. and I cant deny that the place was INdeed BEUATIFUL and INSPIRATIONAL!.. hahaha..

We waited for the syabab to get the place all ready and then breakfast was served. Hot tea and egg sandwiches and chocolate spread pancake. When I had a bite of the sandwich.. I realized.. I was INDEED hungry.. and that's how my stamina built up for the programe.. plus the jokes and all the whatnots.. that brought out my smile! haha..

Firstly It was Hafiz's quran recital. YEah.. All has given him The VOICe of a Qari', Masya Allah.
then It was Zahid's speech.. yeah the president of dmsyq. Haha.. but it wasnt a boring speech though.. it was fun to hear him. . with his jovial character.
Then.................... it was the seniors syabab to perform a Nasyid! Ni kekek gile sey!.. at this point.. I have forgotten all abt my fever seeing them. Zahid, Hafiz, Jalal, Hasyim, Zaki, Ismail and Fauzan all ganged up for a decent performance which turned out to be........ such such a funny and fun performance. They are such adorable clowns.. hahah.. they sang raya songs.. but in all they sang well..

then on we moved to our first game.. but before that .. we were placed into groups.. hahaha! Mapek arh name de! nak tau name2 grp de?
there were 6 grps.. and I was in grp D.
Grp A, Songkok baru
Grp B, Kerawang songkok
Grp C, berus SOngkok
Grp D, Songkok lipat
GRp E, Gunting dlm lipatan
Grp F, Capal.. (sbb dah ketandusan songkok!)
such ridiculous names!.. and the excuse they gave.......... kite kene redha sbb mcm mane mak bpk kite kasi name untk kite, kite dah redha!.. ape ape larh faizal..=.= sape kasi anak name gunting dlm lipatan!? hahah.. but it was funny ..we all had fun

Then we moved on to our first game.. and pls take note that fadly ayob was sitting in front of me.. so that's on sign that I'll be laughing none stop!
the game as spin Ta'arruf!.. hahah.. wach of us were given a piece of paper, on which it was written description of us. and know what was mine???
"Full cream Nido drinker". Nido.. is like Nespray.. it's a milk powder. I can confirm that this must have come from Shahirah!.. but that drinker part.. sounds like.. some .... ape eh.. pemabok? and what was even interesting.. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT's ME!.. HECK! i dont go around telling people I drink milk everyday! tk paham arh!
anyway.. in conclusion... that game was all kecoh! even my fever.. I didnt know what happened.. and take note that I havent had my medicine at that moment.
The results was checked by the host.. haha.. the syabab couldnt stop saying 'PENIPU' to each other.. but some of them indeed MENIPU! org yang tkde kat situ.. pn de signkan!.. ish!.. sape larh bdk tu eh.. khehehhehe.. I managed to get all signed except for three boxes.. hahha.. ade jgak aku menipu.. tp org tk tau tkpe.. hahaha! fad kate hari raye boleh tipu peeeeeee!

next...

another game.. haha..it was.. I dont know what's the name. But each grp has to pick a number then answer a question or a teka teki or guess the name of a kueh!

I cut short larh eh.. something funny happened here. hahah.. Fadly ayob's grp turn came and one of them had to guess the name of a kueh. so they picked Qusayri. hahah.. that innocent lad..
The kueh of course was made by us!.. some of it we created the name.. ape larh naseb qusay.. he got the kueh that we created. when the correct answer was announced.. Fadly ayob was so mad.. but in afunny way.

the host said.." name kueh de The ring"
and all of us laughed
Fad;y said : HUH!? stakat buat kueh letak name sendiri aku pn boleh buat!
shahirah replied: ARH BUAT LARH!
fadly said..: kasi kueh The ring.. nak rase kueh debik!? ku kasi kueh The-bik nk tk?

I was of course laughed my heads out!!

well.. till here.. i have to leave now.. will be continued!

ma'assalamah

Allah Yut'imukum bita'amil Jannah~

2007-10-10T15:09:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikummmmmmmmmmmmmmm~~~~~~~~~

"hehehhe.. kite niari ponteng skola. kehhehehe.. jahat eh!.. tp.. skola yang jahat.. de tk kasi cuti sebelom raye.. jadi kite buat arh cuti sendiri! kheheheh.. niari je.. besok pegi larh skola balek."

anyway.. I am calling all my Fellowmen to watch...... UPIN DAN IPIN!! khehehhe.. such such adorable malay animation! Go and give a try... it's very interesting!

now.. Alhamdulillah.. our kueh raye is almost done. Tonight I shall finish up the last batch of our chocolate cookies!! keheheh.. arh well.. this cookie is very special.. because It's our own recipe! khehehhe.. and we call it.. chococlops! khehehehe.. for its one eye!

arh.. nothing to 'report' now.

I'm calling my mum now! heheh.. nak tau canner masak lodeh........... khehhehhe!

bye!

ma'assalamah!

كل عام و انث بالخير..

2007-10-06T13:36:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikumm..

YOHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! wHoa.. it's been agessss.. since i last blogged! khehheh.. arh well... the sudden mood for blogging comes, and i've been trying to find a free time for this. hahah.. well.. it's been such such such a busy week for me. Hectic and... well.. just tiring.

It's almost 9 am over here. and I only had a 5 hours sleep.. haixx... ever since i arrived here.. most of my sleep can be considered as unstable.. and thus this has affected my systems. ANd.. I've been making stooooopid mistakes.. wihtout reliazing it.

I HAVE ALOT TO TELL OVER HERE.. and just hope I have enough time.

well.. firstly... if you're wondering how I'm doing. yeah.. I'm still ok alhamdulillah.. still the same me.

secondly.. if you're wondering if I've made friends.. well yeah. we are all housemates and eventually we'll be closer and closer. But trust me.. these ladies that i have with me are wonderful and such a dear. They are well.. very smart but at the same time.. their insane-ness could blend very well with mine. kHeheheheheh.. and THUS..... RUMAH TU MEMEKAK ARH.. SIANG MALAM! MUAHAHAHAH.. Tahap kememekakan kite HANYA ALLAH yang MAHA MENGETAHUI.. MENGETAHUI!

we started our kueh raye last few day. began with pineapple Tart.. but.. the first batch was... well.. tasted more like buttercookie. (still edible)
the second batch well.. it was.. abit more.. towards tart.. (but still not tart), the third batch.. well...........................the pineapple filling was.. so hard!! it was like stone or rock.. or whatever you'd call it! hahahah... but still edible!

last night, we made tart again.. and It was better, together with suJi. and it was all doing fine........... UNTIL!!!.. the whole place gone dark! YEAH.. all because of the over used oven! the extension wire got burned! and the plug was affected as well. Thus.. we decide that.... Allah has given us the permission to sleep! and and it was 2.30am. Today.. insya'Allah.. we'll resume the leftovers from yesterday.. plus Kueh makmur! khehehehhe!! PLEASE WISH US WELL!.. anything can happen here!

now.. whatelse.. alright, ramadhan over here.. is better for me. FOr terawih we go to different jami'.. and so far all of them are GOOD. Alhamdulillah.. this is like ROHANI building for me. Alhamdullah.
we did qiyamulail last thursday and friday night. it's was fun! even though I couldnt join the solat.. due to this nature cycles, but it was all good. Me and mar and hida and wardah.. made sahur for all of them. Alhamdulillah.. all was good. actually.. it couldnt be any better! kheheheh!
so far the only kueh that doesnt suffer any problem.. is kueh cornflakes. kheheheh...

and alhamulillah.. in this RAMADHAN MUBARAk...the bounty of Allah is great. we recieved ample of foods. Hamdanlillah.. Allah yasallimuhum ya yarzuquhum bi tha'am minaljannah. Amin..

alright then.. 'Ala kulli hal... please remember me in your doa.

bye!!

Ma'assalamah...

god knows when i'll be able to update this blog ..

YOhaAaa!!

2007-08-09T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hehehe.. Assalamualaikum..............

NOw I cannot make daily or weekly entries.. coz.. my time is soooo limited! heheh.. I do have my own journal that i keep at home.

as for now.. I am having alot of fun! hehehhe.. !!

you guys over there take care and have fun too!! ^^

Ma'Assalamah!

ahlan wa sahlah!

2007-07-27T14:30:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum...

hehehhe.. reporting from Syria!

arh well.. cut short, everything is ok over here. Alhamdulillah.

I've started my somewhat 'Arabic crash course', Hamdanlillah.. It's doing well.

I have a few friends here, not close.. but.. yeah friends.

I MISS SINGAPORE!!

see ya guys around soon.. (I hope)

Maa'ssalamah!!!

2007-07-14T15:33:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum........

YOHAA!! first entry from SYria~~!! HEHEHEHHEHEHE...

till here..

BYE! Fi amanillah

2007-07-12T16:40:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Tomorrow is a start of my new stage of life. Insya'allah Khair.

With Allah's help, Everything will go smoothly, Insya'Allah.

I am..

nervous,

a little excited..

and..

well..

.....

...?

OK! that's it! ila Liqa! FiAmanillah!

When days pass by so fast..

2007-06-30T18:50:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

It's my last day teaching today. How sad for me to leave though.. Now.. just for Now.. I hope that this week wont end. I want to still see them. Putting aside my tiredness, I still do want to talk and shout and tell stories to them. Time flies... and I thought that such a day wont come.. but it did and I have to accept it.

Ma'Asalamah Kids.. Be Good to each other and to your teachers. (as if they'll be reading this..)

Thus, That ends my entry today.

Ila Liqa!~ Fi Amanillah...

Dong Feng Po (East Wind Breaks)

2007-06-25T18:31:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Alright, That title came from One of Jay Chou's song, and I hope The ones in the bracket id correct. hahha.. It's a soft and soothing song.

The afternoon session was abit hectic, I almost couldnt believe it that I'd be asked to attend both testing and the Madrasah Class. It's not that I'm complaining.. no no.. definately not. I'm just thinking that it's so rare.. that I almost lost of what I was supposed to do. But at some point of time help came in, by the young boss. Hahhah.. Thanks. I was going crazy at that time.

One of the teacher asked me: "Who's next for phonics??"
The super blurred Zahidah: "Qu-eh" (the Q sound)

That was how blur and mixed up I was. Hahhaha.. But it was a test of my limit as well. Anyway, it was a great try and I think I'd know how to handle a class and a testing next time. ^^ even without help.. I guess.

I have to learn how to work hard and Do HARD tasks sometimes.. you know.

Alright, yesterday we went out together, Finally. I was abit off mood because of.. well.. the usual thing: LATE COMERS. Haixxx.. I dont know if I am really understanding or not. Or could it be just me.. or just them. Haixx.. anyway, the bowling alley had a tournament and we had to wait for an hour or more. Of course, immedietly.. I said: NO!
Argh... we went to marina square next, with a large hope that the bowling alley over there would have space for us, but our hope was dashed and we ended up just eating lunch.

I brought my primary 6 diary along too.. because I had found an INTERESTING biodata of KAi. Hahhahah.. 'Sejarah Khairiyah', was the title. How AMUSING it was. That diary is 7 years old already. hmmm.. I didnt know I keep all these things.

AHHHH.. I am SO tired. Only left FOUR more days for me to work in Tuffahah. Hmm.. I will miss the place alot! even though I havent worked there for along time... but I feel so attached to the place already, but I dont know how I will be missed by the place and the people over there.

Alright then, That's it..

Ila Huna.. Fi amanillah.

Dong Feng Po (East Wind Breaks)

2007-06-25T18:31:00.000+08:00

ShorT TrIp!

2007-06-22T18:15:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Last week I went to KL to find things that I need, before I depart. This can be considered as my last trip with my Family before I go off Insya'Allah.. and well.. not too sure when will return. KL was good and I found most of the things that I need.. Alhamdulillah..and we're back safe and sound. Let's reminise that trip from these pictures..

Ummi and Basirah 'enjoying' the journey on the Train. Time: Somewhere after subuh.

That's Sambal Pau in Aba's Hand. Haha.. and still on the train Time: somewhere after subuh as well.

Ok.. Kinda ugly this shot, but anyway.. That'd be fadhilah and Me. Hahha.. Not ready to smile but then "KACHEEEEKK".. shot taken.

All the four ladies! hahah.. our beloved 'Queen' is too tired though..

Aba and Ummi.. ^_________^

Fadhilah:"HEY! dont take from above larh! looks stupid!" Basirah:"Ah? Hihihihhihihih!!"
Zahidah: "Shut up and just smile".
Result: natural candid.

On the way home.. and Well.. at the side is just me.. taking my nap!

There are alot more.. buuuuuuuut! I'm too lazy to upload all. So.. be sufficient with what I have uploaded. And from this trip.. I could conclude three things.. Important things that is,

1)Taking Train (second class) is not advisable. You may give it a try though. Lessons learnt from my experience: Once is enough.
2) Try spend more time over there, if possible. My Trip was kinda short and we missed quite alot of places acutally. Now I feel like going back again.
3)Be Physically Ready to take the bus home when arriving Singapore, if arrival is by coach bus. There might be NOT A SINGLE TAXI AVAILABLE at where the coach drop you.

So that's it!
Ila Huna.. ma'Assalamah!

Tawakkal 'Ala Allah..

2007-06-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum....

Today was a hot day.. now it's much much. The sun was Scorching HOT.. Hmm.. and Luckily.. I could end my class early Today!! hahah.. I get to return home early larh.. Which is actually quite rare for me, after working for almost 6 months there.

Alhamdulillah..

well.. now, Let's see.. OH YEAH! Tuffahah will be having lunch cum gathering at International Family Buffet!!.. Yum YuuuMM.. can't wait!! I am so looking forward to the desserts.. Hahha..!

Insya'Allah as well.. I'll be going to KL from tomorrow night till sunday night. We'll get a few things that we need over there. But.. I've read that.. KL is.. flooded?? hmmm.. I have no idea, but since the train tickets are bought, let's just go ahead with our plan.

Insya'Allah Khair.. everything will be smooth.

Alright.. about going out together with my friends.. I really dont know how and when. There's a bliss when everyone had found a job.. but the hateful part is that.............. IT'S SO HARD TO SEE EACH OTHER NOW!. HMPh..

I'm going in less than 4 weeks now.. so.. I leave this to fate.

And speaking of my departure to Syria.. I do feel some part of the lonliness and oddity already. Haha.. and plus some worry.

What will happen to this household eh? who will replace the vacancy of the 'Assisstant Maid'?

Who will vacumm and fold the laundries.. and well.. just practically clean the house?

Hmm.. I just hope It wont JUST BE MY MOTHER ALONE. That'll be soooooo.. shameful.

I dont know.. but to just Tawakkal. I do what EVER that i can now to leave the house spick and span. Who knows what will happen when I'm away. well.. I hope It'll be better!

Anyways.. They'll survive.. and I will too, Insya'Allah.

Anytime when YOU see me being weak, please remind me that I HAVE TO BE STRONG!.

I just sometimes forget this thing..

Ila Huna.. Wassalam.

2007-06-07T19:17:00.000+08:00

What they know is only what they see and perceive to be,

My truth is buried deep in my chest,

Of what is hidden and burning in my heart..

Who could ever find out.. or disclose it into an explainable code

Who?.. but Him.

I smile as a sign of unhurt,

I love as a sign of humanity,

I have numbed the self from hatred and revenge,

I know tiredness and pain,

But I know what not to let go.

When it’s becoming too comfortable,

I have to move.

When it’s becoming too happy,

I have to learn pain.

When it’s not becoming me,

I must change.

And when the heart is determined,

I have to follow.

Fi Amanillah.. Ma'asslamah

Be Strong to become Stronger just to be with The Strongest.

2007-06-06T19:16:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Alright.. the Title seems ridiculous, laugh all you want. But that has a deep meaning to me.. so.. let it be.

Nothing much happen lately.. except for extreme weariness and constant sleepyness. Urgh.. Holiday week means extra work for me. PhEw.. I am working hard right now.

I've been asked of how to control anger. Arh well.. I dont rally know. For me, the sign of anger is silence. And this silence is a killing Silence. The kind that wont breath a word.

That would be My reaction to my own anger.. but according to Hadith I have read, it(anger) is the sweetest thing that anyone could swallow, sweeter than Honey.

If my memory serves me well, we are asked to not vent our anger.

Well that's it. Anger management by Zahidah. Hahahha.. (mcm iye iye je..)

Alright.. I'm trying to do something for my closed ones.. just so that I wont be forgotten. X< Will I be forgotten..? or worst.. Would I forget anyone..?!

ARGH!!.. of course not.. I'm still within the globe right?.. It's not as if I'm travelling to the moon. hahhahah...

There has been this cepuk emas question. " How do you feel about going to Syria..?"

and for that cepuk emas question.. the answer is " I dont know, excited I guess"

hmm.. I really dont know what to expect!. If i could forsee, I want to see the place that I'll spend for the next of my 3-5 years.. Insya Allah.

What I'm worried is that I wont be able to reach there. nauzubillah..

Please Pray (doa) for me.. All I want is my journey and everything be smooth and managable. I'm ready for some hicups on the way.. but not the super BIG ones that could affect my journey.

lastly..

Kenanglah daku dalam Doa mu.

2007-06-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum.. I wish everyone to be in a Good health and the best of condition. Insya'Allah.

Arh.. I'm fine now.. really fine. I have a lot to write about.. but can't really determine of where to start. Hahah..

Well.. firstly I can start with the Bosses' verdict on their newly painted school. Thank God.. They liked it. Hamdan Lillah. Our hard work was somewhat paid off.. arh.. well.. at least I feel that way. hahah. It's not that I get extra pay this month.. just that.. when they entered with a smile and mentioned parts and corners that they liked.. I felt grateful. It wasnt all useless effort. hahah.
So.. I thank those who came down to give a hand. From the brothers of the teachers and her husband to the student who came too. The work wouldnt be completed if it isnt for you guys and girls. hahah.. (do i sound like i'm the boss?? arh well.. I am really grateful.. because if i was the 'brother' or the 'husband' or even the student, I dont think I'd come down; I'm a bad person.. yeah I know).

It was good to know people closer and better.. eh???

Well.. secondly.. what I can say is that.. I might be flying off earlier than I said I would. I remembered telling some closed ones that my flight'd be on 19th of July.. but it was somewhat confirmed that it'll be on the 13th of July. One week earlier. OOPPS..!! I think Fathanah would explode or........................ kill me if i break this to her. Hahha.. so how??? should I tell??

maybe I'll get her to read this entry eh. Not everything has to come out from my mouth.. right?! let the fingers do the talking.

And Thirdly.. which is the least important; I am getting more and more attached with Tuffahah; yeah that place where I'm working now. I am beginning to really really like the place. Back then it was only a small feeling of attachment. but now.. after going through alot together.. including.. the painting, I have this great feeling that I'll miss the whole place tremendously!
Do I still have the chance to teach there if I leave this month?? or will it be just a place for me to pay a visit in the future. HuuuHhuuuHuuuuuu... HOW SAD!

*change of topic*

Turthfully.. I am really tired right now. SUPer TiRED! but.. cant really show it. Let me just rest and till here now..

Ma'assalamah~

2007-05-30T09:29:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Hmm.. it has been around ten or more days that i have last posted entry. Been quite busy last few days.

Arh well, right now.. Tuffahah is on Holiday for a week.. which will end this friday. =.= It's too soon to see the kids again. haixx..

We painted the WHOLE place. OH GOSH.. it was super hard work. only Lord knows how terrible i felt. Initially the painting was kind of exciting and fun, but when it came to the cleaning part.. Gosh.. it was really bad; with the scrapping and the chair and floor scrubbing.. urgh =.= my thumb and fingers are still sore.

but in all.. It was sheer hard work from all of us..(arh well.. some of them didnt turn up.. due to some excuses that was.. kinda permissable) The whole place now look lovely. I like it.. BUT The boss's verdict is not out yet.. hahah..until they say it's nice, Then we'd annouce it officially as Nice and colourful Tuffahah!! hahah..

Alright.. today I dont want to go anywhere. Let me stay at home.. somwhow i miss hangging around at home. Too much to do lately.. so.. now.. just for today.. i want to rest. ^^

Here are some last words from me..

"Something that is perfect sometimes.. just isnt suitable for us"

ila liqa'~! Fi Amanillah..

What is left.. and I shall tresure it.

2007-05-19T15:30:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

There's a saying that goes.. ' We wont know what we have until we lose them' (or so, cant really remember the right quotation, but that's the idea.)

For me.. right now.. I know there will be things and people that I'll miss when I am no longer in this land.

I know they are here and I appreciate their existance. I wont lose them..Insya'Allah.

For this 2 months left for me here in Singapore, I'll collect as many memories I could to be with the people who used to be close to. I want them to know that, despite my decision to go abroad(which happen to shock a few of them) I am still the same. Nothing will change. Whoever they have perceived me to be whether as Friends, as classmates, as teacher.. That shall be me.

Today is 19th of May.

On 19th of July.. my life will start a new chapter. Insya'Allah khair.. Everything will be smooth and managable.

ila Huna.. Ma'salamah. Fi Amanillah~